What These People Might Be Thinking

From left to right …

Young Lady #1: “I can’t quite believe my own thoughts, but the photographer is cuter than Jetey-Jetes! He kind of looks like Ed Yarnall. Ed Yarnall was a darn dreamboat.”

Young Lady #2: “Over there, in the distant distance … keep your almond-shaped eyes on the distant distance … The only way Mr. Jeter will notice me is if I distinguish myself from the undistinguished likes of Mitzi and Crystal. I’ll tell him I prefer a sensible Ann Taylor pantsuit to that Aeropostale tripe. Didn’t he once date Susan Sontag? I think he did. Derek, I am complicated but worth the complication. Did you notice that I was respectful of the Anthem without being servile? Convention can be subverted with the cottony touch of approaching Autumn. Vous ne pouvez pas s’étendre vers votre gauche, et pour celui je vous pardonne. My smile is but a mask, you know.”

Derek Jeter: “1, 2, 3 … Corpse face! Ha, ha! No one does the corpse face quite like the Captain! Heh. F*cking A-Rod.”

Young Lady #3: “I can’t believe the Captain smells! It’s a good thing he can’t range to his left. El. Oh. El.”