Do Vin Scully’s Bidding by Mike Bates November 3, 2011 If Vin Scully asked you to do something, would you refuse? Of course you wouldn’t. Not unless you were a God-damned Communist. You would do whatever the golden-voiced Vincent asked of you and you would not ask questions. It should be apparent by now that Vin Scully is our nation’s greatest treasure, and that to refuse him is to refuse America. “Why do you hate America?” I would ask if Vin Scully asked you to run out and murder a hobo and you refused. “Vin Scully has done so much for us, and you won’t do this one little thing for him?” Then I’d put your name on my list and I’d drop it off at my nearest police precinct as one of literally dozens of Stalinist-sympathizers who are still, even today, in our midst. I miss Joe McCarthy is what I’m saying. (Note: Joe McCarthy the Senator, not the Manager. Double Note: Of the US Senators, not the Washington Senators. Though the US Senators also play in Washington. You are smart people; you know who I mean.) Anywho, Vince tests our devotion today in yet another early commercial for Gillette razors, in which you can see his magical powers of teleportation and miraculous ability to avoid commenting on Wally Moon’s eyebrow: Truly, the man is a wonder. And with his powers of apparition, I don’t recommend refusing him. He may not be strong of body, but his strength of character will straight up murder you in your sleep, Comrade.