Because I’m in a public area and forgot my headphones, I have no idea what sort of audio commentary accompanies the videos below. But because they’re all weird and all happened in the span of a single game — specifically, Wednesday night’s game between the Cardinals and Brewers of America’s Middle West — I’ve made an executive decision and embedded the hell out of them anyway.
Furthermore, strictly for the purposes of esses and gees, I’ve attempted to intuit what the likely audio commentary is for each of the videos below. I’m confident that my guesses are equal parts accurate and libelous.
Commentary: The ghost of Reggie Miller, who everyone knows died in 2003, is haunting Ryan Braun/got pretty decent seats for a ghost.
Commentary: Ryan Braun developed an inner-ear disorder while rounding second base. It’s the saddest story ever told. On the plus side, it’ll make for an emotional Made for TV movie.
Commentary: One of Ryan Braun’s children is sitting in left field. Visitation rights are limited to between-inning low-fives.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.