Video: Joe West, Entire City Lose Respective Minds

Nominally, this is a WGN sports report from July of 1991. In reality, it’s a case study in what can happen when man is stripped of his civilizing influences.

Annotations follow, with time-elapsed marks.

0:00 — Video begins with frightening ghost-person* looking directly into soul of viewer. (*Direct translation from German.)

0:08 — Anchorman uses words “rock and roll” in manner befitting of his era.

0:10 — Festive collared t-shirt!

0:22 — Soccer player, for some reason, jogs behind correspondent at Wrigley Field.

0:44 — “Oop, that’s the wrong tape.”

0:56 — Joe West assumes the position.

1:04 — Joe West resumes the position.

1:11 — Andre Dawson experiments with look he calls the “I Just Killed Your Family.”

1:16 — Bat-tossing!

1:23 — Bat-tossing!

1:30 — Joe West experiments with look he calls “The Horrible Child.”

1:34 — Bat-tossing!

1:40 — Commence cheerful littering.

1:56 — Rob Dibble does legitimately strange thing.

2:01 — Unusually incisive commentary regarding Rob Dibble’s mental health.

2:31 — Andre Dawson gives brief tutorial on how to properly groom and wear a mustache.

2:47 — Andre Dawson distinguishes himself among ballplayers for using adverb.

3:28 — Andre Dawson articulates something particular about Joe West.

4:20 — Phrase “mighty Toronto Blue Jays” uttered without irony.

4:27 — Hawk Harrelson’s voice happens.

Deep, prostrating bow to reader/ubermensch glassSheets.