True Facts: Five Uncollected Yogi-isms

Yogi Berra is looking at, or near, your soul.

In our most recent and third-ever NotGraphs Chat, reader and commenter TheGrandSlamwich asked which, among Yogi Berra’s various and sundry bon mots, was our (Dayn’s and my) favorite. This, like picking one’s favorite child, is simple. For me, it’s this, regarding a restaurant: “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.” For Dayn, I forget. His opinions, being not mine, are of secondary importance to my life experience.

In a suspiciously timed — but no less authentic — turn of events, our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has just today discovered five previously unpublished Yogiisms. As to whether they’re Authentic Berra — who himself quothed “I really didn’t say everything I said” — it’s hard to say. Either way, you’re sure to amuse your friends and numerous lovers with what follows.

Regard:

On His Health
I’m fine: the doctor looked in my head and didn’t find anything.

On Being Second-Guessed
No one can second-guess me. I guessed more times than that already.

On Golf
I played 18 holes, I just didn’t use’em all.

On Half-Way Crooks, Existence Of
There ain’t no such things as half-way crooks.*

On Growing Up Poor
I never lived on the street, but I could see it from my window.

*There’s reason to believe that Mobb Deep took this from Berra.