Tim Lincecum: True American Hero

by
January 28, 2011

This is a couple of months old (then again, so am I), but it absolutely merits a mention.

Tim Lincecum, who is awesome in a bounty of ways, already has a pair of Cy Young awards placed carefully atop his custom-made oaken mantle — a mantle from the Prestige Collection, no doubt — a World Series ring on his finger and, I assume, a championship belt around his waist. Now comes the most impressive laurel of all. Lincecum, because of his alleged zeal for sweet, sweet herb, has been named Top Celeb Stoner by, fittingly, CelebStoner.com. Please behold the last two paragraphs of the announcement:

Known as “The Freak,” for his long black hair and wiry 5-11, 170-poind build, Lincecum is a phenomenon – a gifted athlete who chooses to use marijuana (except for when he’s getting drug tested).

Fun Facts: Lincecum has a French Bulldog named Cy. His mother is Filipino. He’s single.

“If God didn’t want us to smoke doobage,” Lincecum said upon receiving the award, “then he wouldn’t have invented Foghat and detached garages.”

Actually, Lincecum didn’t say that. James Madison said that.





 

Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

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Kris
13 years ago

I don’t know what happened in the comments, but I trust every word this guy says. Like many knowledgeable baseball pundits, he’s 57 and played baseball as a kid. I can’t thank you enough for linking me to this.

“Tim is the best baseball pitcher I’ve seen in my life and I’m 57 and played baseball when I was a kid.

He’s super humble and I love the fact that someone like him was around to show the Bush family and his Texas team what it’s like to win a real game without a bunch of spies, FBI and Secret Service around pulling strings.

If we had people like Timmy in government, we’d truly be the land of the free and the rest of the world would respect us. But the Bush family destroyed America (for now) and it’ll take some time, but I’m sure wishing their DNA is erased out of memory.

Way to show the world that kids from Seattle can do something other than write music (although I love music). Good wishes to Timmy for 2011!”

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InnerMysteries
13 years ago
Reply to  Kris

Hey Kris,

Why did you copy my words ?

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Kris
13 years ago
Reply to  InnerMysteries

I was impressed by your logical progression.

Baseball is a complicated game with a very lengthy history. Therefore, to understand baseball in a yoda-like fashion, one must be old enough to have seen decades of baseball, but also have played baseball at a relatively young age.

You basically want your baseball knowledge, acquired as a child of course, to ferment like Bagoong or Kimchi. You know you’re ready to evaluate talent when the potent fishy odor becomes more of an aroma.

Daring to evaluate prowess or ability without having lived through the 60’s or played baseball in grade seven is a very dangerous game.

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