Baseball fans of all stripes were disappointed to hear Thursday of an injury to Mariano Rivera that will keep the closer out for the remainder of what was supposed to be the last season of his storied career.
In Rivera’s honor, NotGraphs presents…
Three Epigrams Concerning Mariano Rivera
Epigram No. 1
Legend has it that Mariano Rivera once performed an area bris using only his cut fastball.
Pardon me, did I say “legend”? I meant “the Daily News.”
“I’m not responsible!”: that’s what Yuniesky Betancourt announced when asked what’d happened to Mariano Rivera in the Kauffman Stadium outfield.
Curiously, that same answer would also apply to another question — namely, “To whom should we attribute the Royals’ offensive improvements this season?”
Mariano Rivera! It’s a testament to your civility that even opponents have expressed concern regarding your recent injury.
For a wretch like me, it’s the precise opposite: even those closest to me wish harm upon my person.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.