The NotGraphs Guide To Making Your Own MLB Halloween Costume

Halloween is less than three weeks away, NotGraphers. Have you chosen a costume yet? If not, you are in luck. We’re here to advise you.

Vampires, witches, zombies, ghosts, mummies, and sexy nurses are all so passé, you see. It’s time to add some pizazz to your All Hallows’ Eve getup by going as your favorite MLB personality.

I have saved you the trouble of going out of your way (to that seedy seasonal Halloween store in the bombed out shopping center in the building where the Blockbuster Video used to be with that cashier with his forehead pierced) by listing the necessary components for each respective costume along with links to online stores from which they can be purchased. Mindful of our tough economic times, these costumes are carefully constructed to cost you no more than $100 (before shipping).

Brian Wilson:

      

Brian Wilson Shirsey: $36.99

San Francisco Giants Adjustable Hat: $17.99

Fake Beard & Mustache: $2.71

Add temporary tattoos and amphetamines for full effect.

CC Sabathia:

      

CC Sabathia Shirsey: $36.99

New York Yankees Adjustable Hat: $17.99

McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger: 45 @ $1.00 = $45.00

Dan Uggla:

   

Atlanta Braves Adjustable Hat: $17.99

Atlanta Braves Toddler Replica Jersey: $44.99

Alex Rodriguez: 

   

Alex Rodriguez Shirsey: $36.99

New York Yankees Adjustable Hat: $17.99

KA’OIR By Keyshia Dior Rude Girl Purple Lipstick: $15.99

Inflatable Judy Doll: $16.99

Steve Bartman:

   

Chicago Cubs Adjustable Hat: $17.99

Green Neck Warmer: $19.95

Wire Rim Reading Glasses: $11.99

On-Ear Headphones: $4.54

Add mitt for full effect.

Dick Allen: 

   

Flapless Phillies Batting Helmet: $54.99

Afro + Chops Wig: $8.79

Assorted Mustaches: $9.95

Half Frame Wayfarer Glasses: $6.99

Add cigarette and .912 career OPS for full effect.

Bud Selig:

Scary Old Man Mask: $21.99

Add suit and behave in a perpetually confused manner for full effect.