The Internet Is Awesome

Fretful that zombie ants and their killer fungus overlords will soon make a delicious hash of us all? Distract yourselves with the latest in computer news! Here is said news in miniature …

Indeed, Prodigy users, Crash Bandicoot enthusiasts and other computer people will be pleased to know that the flinty innovators at Interpretation By Design, who have always been there for those with nowhere left to turn, have concocted a flow chart that tells you which MLB squad most deserves your rooting interests.

I answered the questions with so much integrity and uprightness that I feel like I should go out and buy a magistrate’s wig. My reward? I’m told I should be a Padres fan. There’s nothing wrong with the Padres, of course, but I am, by righteous birth and earned-in-the-streets inclination, a Cardinals partisan. At this point, I must assume that someone — that hellhound Dave Cameron, perhaps — has altered my factory settings.

And what of you, page viewers? What does the flowchart tell you? And if it differs from your innermost baseball longings, what will you tell the zombie ants when they order you to declare final loyalties before disemboweling you and feasting on your still-steaming viscera?

(Curtsy: NotGraphs reader Paul, who, reputation has it, is as good at push-ups as he is algebra and romance.)