The Feast of Wagner, Patron Saint of Interior Flight

Our plagiarism of the Eastern Church’s feast-day tradition continues today with one of the game’s most important historical figures.

Life: Wagner is inarguably one of the greatest baseballers ever, compiling some 149.8 WAR in his 21-year career, and playing — according both to his contemporaries and the available fielding metrics — a passable shortstop through his age-42 season. Known as “The Flying Dutchman,” Wagner has also attained legendary status for his T206 baseball card, of which there are only 57 known copies.

Ritual: To commemorate and recognize Wagner, devise some amusing adjective-demonym combinations. Like, “The Discriminating Botswanan,” for example. Or: “The Woebegone Chilean.”

Prayer of Wagner

Contrary to what many will assume,
your sobriquet refers not to your
conspicuous athleticism, but rather
to the flight of the soul towards the divine
during an act of pure play —

a concept that you introduced
and upon which you elaborated
during a series of celebrated guest lectures
at Union Theological Seminary
shortly after your retirement.