The Dayn Perry Hello

If the Dayn Perry Hello seems aggressive, you have not yet traveled to the shallowest depths of Mississippi.

The Dayn Perry Hello is suitable for foes, lovers, former foes, future lovers, dignitaries, holy men, street merchants, plumbers, members of the Illuminati, and former NFL coaches — as well as any manner of post-coital handshake and/or corporate takeover.

The Dayn Perry Hello should not be confused with the Dayn Perry Goodbye, which is the last thing you hear before you die — destined to be an earwig of your soul for all eternity.

Side affects of the Dayn Perry Hello include immaculate conception, Grapenuts™ nuts, heart-prostate role-reversal, puffy nipples, sudden-onset luminescence, drowsiness, and sugar shits. It is highly recommended that users operate heavy machinery after experiencing the Dayn Perry Hello.

Scientists are in the final stages of testing the Dayn Perry Hello as an alternative fuel source. Results, so far, have been positive. The Dayn Perry Hello can be used as a garnish for a nice steak dinner.

Many of you may be seeing loved ones this holiday. May I recommend the Dayn Perry Hello when you first encounter them? For the Dayn Perry Hello answers all the traditional catching-up-small-talk questions in one fail swoop, leaving you and your loved ones to enjoy a nice meal in utter, awkward silence.