The Burning Questions of Ruben Amaro

Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro Jr. doesn’t know the difference between at bats and plate appearances, and how to calculate batting average, according to a recent broadcast, in which he was unable to comprehend how Jimmy Rollins and Mike Schmidt have almost the same batting average when they have the same number of hits, but Schmidt has so many more PAs. The audio, from Crossing Broad, is below:

Here is a list of other questions Ruben Amaro has, the answers to which he should probably already know, given his job:

1)      You’ve heard guys who bat or throw with their left hands are sinister agents of the Prince of Lies, right?

2)      It says here that “Ryan Howard has hit .206/.268/.413 vs lefty pitchers this year, even worse than his career .223/.299/.427 marks.” What does that mean?

3)      No, I’m serious. Can you teach me how to diagram out that last sentence?

4)      So you’re telling me that Ben Revere and Tony Gwynn Jr. are two different people?

5)      How come I could never get my pants on without help when I was playing?

6)      Hey Chase, which end of the bat do you hold?

7)      Cassie, I did it again. Can you remind me how to take his phone off of speaker without hanging up first?

8)      Guys, Peg + Cat is done, and I want to watch some tape. Which of the remotes in the video room changes the channel?

9)      The Phanatic’s routine is actually a carefully choreographed parody of me, isn’t it?

10)   How come Roy Halladay hasn’t pitched yet this year, Ryno?

11)   What the hell is a “spreadsheet?”

Take these slowly and in order. Don’t blow his mind all at once.