Some Baseball Whys

1. Why do baseball players spit so much? I understand that players who dip need to spit lest they ingest tobacco juice and vomit all over the place. And I understand that this was likely the origin of the spitting pandemic in baseball. Players who didn’t dip wanted to fit in with their teammates nevertheless. But why do players who don’t dip continue to spit all of the time? Do they not even realize it? Is it at this point a Pavlovian response to standing on a baseball field? Is it one of those things, like kneeling for prayer, the meaning and origins of which are entirely lost on those who keep the practice alive? It must be, because if the people who spit profusely for no functional reason whatsoever thought carefully about how little sense this behavior made, they would probably stop doing it.

2. Why do fielders get the benefit of the doubt at second base but not runners? By this I mean: often when turning double plays, the shortstop or second baseman may never actually touch second base with control of the baseball. Almost always, though, the runner is called out. Why aren’t baserunners granted the same amount of leeway when, say, legging out a triple? Could you imagine if baserunners just had to come within a “few inches” of touching second base? It would be madness. Why not make the bases bigger as a compromise?

3. Why do TV networks assume that former players are any better positioned to be analysts of the game than someone who, you know, studies the game? The answer is simple: they don’t. Networks hire former players to be analysts because viewers recognize the former players and thus feel more comfortable watching and listening to them. The networks don’t give a shit whether what is being passed of as “analysis” is actually anything of the sort. The real problem is that in having this sort of faux legitimacy as analysts conferred on them by networks, former players actually begin to believe that simply by virtue of being a former player, their opinion that Jacoby Ellsbury is a stronger AL MVP candidate than Jose Bautista, for example, is valid. And thus, the idea that former players’ status as former players means any nonsense that comes out of their mouths should be accepted as analysis becomes widely agreed among former players and fans alike. This is not to say that there aren’t aspects of the game former players are better positioned to comment on, but far too often they are expected to comment on exactly the things they aren’t qualified to comment on.