Shorter Baseball Columnists!

It’s time for another installment of “Shorter Baseball Columnists,” in which we read mainstream baseball columnists and marginalized bloggers like Murray Chass so you don’t have to! Let us begin!

Shorter Steve Rosenbloom: Carlos Zambrano will soon fly to Guatemala to adopt a young boy. What an asshole.

Shorter Gregg Doyel: No one can stop me from voting, on the Internet, for the All-Star candidates of my choosing.

Shorter Murray Chass: Know who’s a big, fat coward? Bob Gibson. Yep. Bob Gibson is a big, fat coward.

Shorter Ian O’Connor: The subject is Derek Jeter, and I am about to make love to the reader.

Shorter John Harper: Shame on the Rays for not making Jeter’s 3,000th hit more of a priority.

Shorter Dan Shaughnessy: Roger Clemens used to pitch for the Red Sox.

The “Shorter” approach to Internetty commentary traces back, as best as one can tell, to Daniel Davies.