Baseball’s Sad Lexicon: FanGraphs Poetry Contest

You, too, can be a famous early-century wit.

In 1910, Franklin Pierce Adams wrote one of the two most famous poems in baseball history. Adams described “Baseball’s Sad Lexicon”, articulating the plight of suffering New York Giants fans. The Giants were doomed to failure, Adams explained, because of the efforts of three slick-fielding infielders on the rival Chicago Cubs: Joe Tinker, Johnny Evers, and Frank Chance.

A century later, baseball boasts a handful of great shortstops and second basemen. Some of those stars own far more impressive resumes than Tinker, Evers, and Chance (three of the least deserving Hall of Fame choices ever, who owe much of their candidacy to Adams’ oeuvre).

Yet despite the amazing resumes of Derek Jeter and other modern middle infielders, no double play combination has had a poem — or anything close — written in its honor in 100 years. This is especially sad in the case of Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker, arguably the best keystone combo of the past 30 years, given their combination of skill and longevity by each other’s side. If someone had written a great poem about the two Tigers greats, they’d likely be in the Hall of Fame, too.

Given the renewed appreciation for defense in today’s game, our collective appreciation for the value of players on the right side of the defensive spectrum, and the fact that modern baseball poets actually exist, it’s time to remedy this problem.

Today, we celebrate baseball’s most esteemed keystone combo, Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley. Here are their credentials:

Cumulative WAR playing with each other: 81.0
All-Star appearances: 8 (should be more)
Silver Sluggers: 5
Gold Gloves: 3 (should be way more)
MVP awards: 1 (should be more)
World Series trophies: 1
Any suspiciously slicked-back hair? Yes
Any nicknames that sound like caramel-based candy? Yes
Bonus: Playing with perennial All-Star Ryan Howard; it’s a little odd to include a first baseman’s accomplishments with that of his second base and shortstop teammates, but if Frank Chance gets credit, so does Howard.

Now here’s the original poem:

These are the saddest of possible words:
“Tinker to Evers to Chance.”
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
Tinker and Evers and Chance.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,
Making a Giant hit into a double –
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
“Tinker to Evers to Chance.”

So…how to contruct a poem honoring Rollins-to-Utley-to-Howard? Let’s hear your suggestions in the comments. Best one wins a signed copy of The Extra 2%.

Deadline is 8 pm ET, tomorrow (Friday, Feb. 11). We will announce the winner in the comments section on Monday morning.

Good luck!

Image courtesy of Life Magazine