Ryan Braun Leads The Majors in Confidence…

PHOENIX — Ryan Braun lashed out today at MLB’s new confidence testing program, insisting that his positive result for confidence was tainted by the anti-semitic Cubs fan urine collector who handled the sample improperly, dumping a bucket of extra confidence in before it was sent off to the lab. “I have never been confident, and, really, I have no reason to be confident since I am no longer taking drugs,” Braun insisted. The commissioner’s office is considering punishment for Braun due to excess confidence — the penalty for the first violation is being the subject of an hour of sports talk radio.