Romney Picks Ryan

Over the weekend, Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan of Wisconsin to be his running mate on the Republican ticket. I wish to make the case that Romney chose the wrong Ryan.

Paul Ryan: Wisconsin (10 electoral votes)
Nolan Ryan: Texas (38 electoral votes)

Paul Ryan: Chairs the House Budget Committee
Nolan Ryan: Owns a major league baseball team

Paul Ryan: Early jobs included camp counselor, Oscar Mayer Weinermobile driver (seriously, if Wikipedia is to be believed), mail-opening intern, and marketing consultant for a construction company owned by his relatives
Nolan Ryan: Early jobs included pitcher, pitcher, and [Edited to add: Not A] Cy Young Award-winning pitcher [but still a pretty awesome pitcher anyway].

Paul Ryan: Has won 7 elections to Congress
Nolan Ryan: Threw 7 no-hitters

Paul Ryan: One of three founders of “Young Guns” program
Nolan Ryan: Threw fastest reliably recorded pitch ever, at 100.9 MPH [if we ignore Aroldis Chapman, which whatever source I looked at did. Argh.]

Paul Ryan: Makes his own bratwurst and polish sausage
Nolan Ryan: Struck out 5,714 major league baseball players

George W. Bush on Paul Ryan: “This is a strong pick.”
George W. Bush on Nolan Ryan: “Nolan Ryan is one of the greatest pitchers of all time and an excellent role model in sports. He’s living proof that dreams do come true- for anyone with the courage and dedication to work hard to achieve their dream.”

We hoped you liked reading Romney Picks Ryan by Jeremy Blachman!

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Zach Sanders
Guest

Should have chosen Brendan Ryan.

CajoleJuice
Guest

Should of*

Zach Sanders
Guest

http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/couldof.html

An institution of higher learning says otherwise, sir.

Kyle
Guest

I suppose that is correct, but I think we can all agree that WSU hardly qualifies as “an institution of higher learning.”

Zach Sanders
Guest

As someone who has attended their rival school, I’m hardly unbiased on this subject.

But, yes.

Choo
Guest

Go Cougs!

Kyle
Guest

Amen, Mr. Sanders.

John H
Guest
John H

I hope you are embarrassed for days.

Resolution
Guest
Resolution

You’re both stupid. It’s ‘Should if’

bluejaysstatsgeek
Guest

No, BJ Ryan