Results of the Author’s Cholesterol Test as Index Stats

The author, who is moving in the wrong direction relative to blackest death, recently had his habits questioned and testicles fondled by his primary care physician*. He also, the following day, had what he (i.e. the author) considers to be “too much blood” removed from his body for the purposes of evaluating its cholesterol, and other sorts of, levels.

*In that same physician’s office, I mean. Not, like, out on the street.

Below are the results of the blood test in question — rendered both in raw form and also relative to national averages for adults.

To wit:

In the case of three of the numbers here — total cholesterol, LDL (or, “bad” cholesterol), and triglycerides — a lower score is preferable. In those instances (rendered as “minus” stats), an index of 100 represents the national average and below 100 is better. In the case of the fourth result — for HDL (or, “good” cholesterol) — a higher score is preferable. The index for HDL, therefore, is rendered as a “plus” index stat, where 100 represents the national average and above 100 is better.

From these index stats, we learn a couple of things. Like, for one, that the author’s blood composition is near average relative to the total popular of American adults, but better than average by zero measurements. What else we learn — perhaps more importantly — is that the hex code for NotGraphs purple is #7c4d85.