Pleasure GIF: Gregory Polanco Homering So Much Today

According to the actual “rules” of “baseball,” any single home run technically only produces a quantity of runs equal to the number of players already on base plus one. According to that part of the human body, however, responsible for the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine into the brain, certain home runs are manifestly worth more, others less, in terms of aesthetic value.

This true truth having been established, one might readily conclude that, owing to how his whole life is in front of him and to how his levers are longer than a Terrence Malick film, that Gregory Polanco’s home run this afternoon against the Yankees’ David Phelps is not unlike a grand slam or maybe two grand slams.