This is a video, authored my YouTube user ieeebear, of the last 27 outs recorded by the San Francisco Giants in their World Series-clinching Game Five victory over the Texas Rangers.

Here’s a brief scouting report of same video:

Strengths
• Watching the above, one realizes how infrequently one’s able to watch Major League play of any stripe outside one of the major providers of said content — i.e. MLB.com, ESPN, FOX, or a local sporting network. This is a pleasure in itself.

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We’ve already laid eyes upon the wonder that was Matt Murton upon a mythical steed, and — as we see above — now the Twins’ Matt Tolbert has joined the fantasy beast-of-burden party.

Questions abound … Is this a Midwest thing? A “guy named Matt” thing? Why do some ballplayers have such a hardwired yearning to ride unicorns/pegasi? After all, these are photos, so we now know that, a, such beasts exist; b, Matts Murton and Tolbert ride them and; c, both seem to favor the dressage style.

Distinctions? While Mr. Murton seems bound by the strictures of gravity, Mr. Tolbert thinks nothing of thundering across the firmament in defiance of all we think we know about science-y science. Sure, you might point out that Mr. Tolbert is atop a winged creature and thus better able to fly. Poppycock! I prefer to think it’s because Mr. Tolbert’s secret nickname is “Mythical Beast Whisperer Jesus” and that everything flows from there.

I can’t say whether Matt Tolbert’s prevailing goal in this life is to be photographed atop and in manly, sinewy command of every varmint found in the Monster Manual, but I can say it should be.

(Curtsy: Pretty darn sure this image originally appeared at That’s Twins Baseball.)

I get asked all the time — via email, phone, mysterious scented letter — I get asked, “Carson, what does it take to become part of FanGraphs?”

“Generally excellent prose” and “comfort with advanced metrics” are two obvious answers to that question. “The ability to pwn SQL at will” is a third.

What you might not anticipate, however, is the serious physical demands one must meet in order to be considered for Team FanGraphs.

To give prospective writers an idea of what I mean, I’ve embedded here an actual video of San Diego Padre Will Venable’s actual tryout for FanGraphs.

To qualify for consideration, candidates must complete this course in under a minute. That a professional athlete is elated by a time of 1 minute and 2 seconds gives you an idea of how rigorous it all really is.

For some perspective, though, consider that Dave Allen finished this entire challenge in just 37 seconds. Albert Lyu, for his part, actually just shot that guy with the stopwatch right in the foot — which gesture we thought displayed the requisite pluck.

So, no, don’t stop believin’ — not you, Will Venable, and not you, cherished reader. Just know, please, that we’re not effing around over here.

H/T: jbox of Gaslamp Ball.

Due to the shockingly low wages here at FanGraphs [Editor’s Note: Jackie is as disgruntled an employee as you’ll find. Don’t believe him!], I often find myself shopping on clearance racks. Every once in a while, my consumer’s eye directs me towards the clearance section on MLB.com, and rarely am I disappointed. Sometimes, it’s just impossible to imagine how these items don’t immediately sell out, but here are four items which have somehow found their way onto the virtual clearance rack.

1. Aminco Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 2010 All-Star Game Disney Pin Set

Disney and the MLB know that cross-branding rules! After all, if you’re a big fan of both Mickey Mouse AND the 2010 All-Star Game, how could you resist dropping 40 dollars on this limited edition set? Well, now that the MLB store generously dropped $8.02 off the price, I’m sure it’ll sell like hotcakes.

2. Mascotopia Oakland Athletics Mascot Puzzle

I get that this for really young children, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a nine piece jigsaw puzzle before. Almost the entire mascot is on the center piece! I would think that if a child has sufficient motor skills to even put a puzzle together, they would be able to finish this is roughly two seconds. Obviously, then, at the previous price – $14.99, or $1.67 per piece – this product was a total rip off. However, at $1.11 per piece, it’s a steal!

3. New York Mets Men’s Reactive Robe by Concepts Sport

What better way to show off your fandom than with a bathrobe? Wear it in the bathroom, in the hallway, and in the bedroom! Amaze your roommates, significant others, and/or kids! Now $20.02 cheaper, it can be yours for only $49.97!

4. Fantasia Philadelphia Phillies Tool Bag

Although it’s understandable, the name of this product shouldn’t be confused with that of many Phillies fans. For said fans, this could be a very useful gameday item. It’s the perfect carrier for blunt objects that can be thrown at outfielders from the bleacher seats!

Between these four and other items, I’ll be shocked if people can’t make full use of MLB.com’s current offer: take $10.00 off any clearance order of $50.00 or more. With such high quality and practical items on sale, products will be flying off the shelves.

Not just pizza. “Apizza.”

Be honest — you probably don’t think of Seattle sports fans as “fortunate human beings.” Well, maybe that changes today, when you learn about the revamped food offerings at Safeco Field.

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If you’ve never read the collected works of Great American™ Ralph Waldo Emerson — and, in particular, his essays “Self-Reliance” and “The Divinity School Address” — you should probably do that before you shuffle off this mortal coil.

However, if you’re busy for the minute, you can find much of Emerson’s thought condensed into this very brief quote from Manny Ramirez:

I’m just here to play the game and enjoy it… [I enjoy] my life. All the things that I do I enjoy. I’m not here to talk to [the media]. I’m here to play the game. That’s me, you know. The same. Everywhere I go is the same.

On the one hand, it might be important to note that this was Ramirez’s response when asked, in 2008, about his decision to sell a grill on eBay — itself a curious thing for a generational talent to be doing.

On the other hand, it’s also noteworthy that the above would be a perfectly reasonable answer to the question, “Manny: what, per chance, is your entire life philosophy?”

H/T: Reader T-pain.

Once upon a time, NotGraphs engaged only in the most serious of reportage and most whimsical of inspired flights.

Then Dayn Perry joined our ranks, and — well — I think I’m understating the case when I say that he left a wake of destruction in his, uh, wake.

As that old saying goes, though, “When life hands you lemons, use the zest of those lemons to make a great Moroccan Charbroiled Lamb & Fennel Stew with 7 Seed Couscous.” (Seriously.) Which is why I feel only modest chagrin when I announce to the bespectacled readership that, apparently, Boston Righty and Inveterate Texaner Josh Beckett has married, very literally, a rocket scientist.

I say “literally,” but I’ll admit that she’s officially described as an “aeronautics engineer,” and I don’t understand the difference, and the Boston Herald’s socialite pages describe her (i.e. Holly Fisher) as a “rocket scientist,” and those are definitely right.

Yes, the above beard is more “maladjusted IT guy” rather than “elite ballplayer,” but I’m going with it. Anyhow, Internet computers have been buzzing for a while over news that Nats outfielder Jayson Werth might be forced to shave his “at work on my manifesto/buying canned food and ammo for my bunker” beard. Werth’s lamewad new employers have a facial-hair policy, and last month team pit boss Mike Rizzo dropped this bomb: “When I last saw him, he had no beard.”

Google Images is sadly lacking in photographic evidence, so we must take Mr. Rizzo at his word. Yes, near and dear, it is time to mourn Jayson Werth’s beard. To that end, nothing I could say, do or perpetrate will match what the Beard of Truth has to say on this urgent matter.

And what of the second-most famous baseball beard of the contemporary era? Fear not for it. As Beard of Truth reminds us, “I think you know this sweaty bastard needs me.”

(Curtsy: Reader Jordan Shapiro, who’s there for those who have nowhere left to turn.)

I, for one, think I have a good thing going with my planned fantasy baseball team name for next season: “Kevin Cash Considerations.” Over at RotoHardball, where some colleagues and I (including NotGraphs own Eno Sarris and RotoGraphs’ Zach Sanders) have run a fantasy mock draft. We had a couple of creative names in our group (“Steve Garvey’s Billfish Classic” and “Punxsutawney Phil Hughes” were pretty good I thought), but many lacked spunk (“Sanders’ Squad”? Really, Zach?). It’s become abundantly clear that even though some of us are experts of fantasy baseball, we’re not experts on picking awesome team names.

For that reason, I ask you, the loyal and stalwart NotGraphs reader, to help us, fantasy experts and the fantasy community at large, with this problem which pervades the industry. Submit, for the greater good, excellent fantasy baseball team names so that we can rid our standings page of drab, boring monikers.

Along with “Kevin Cash Considerations,” I would also throw in “Harangutangs,” “Magic Wandies,” and any line from the song from The Simpson’s episode where Mr. Burns hires various MLB players as ringers on the company softball team. “Ken Griffey’s Grotesquely Swollen Jaw”, and “Steve Sax’s Run In With The Law” work particularly well in my opinion.

But enough about me. Commentariat, America is counting on you.

Seeing as it’s only been, like, 33 hours since we at NotGraphs linked to the OC Register, it’s probably time to do that again, posthaste.

While, last time, we celebrated Sam Miller’s proclivity for the word cloud-related arts, today we look at writer Bill Plunkett’s capacities as a journalistic hype man.

Regard this headline, from Plunkett’s latest submission to the Angels Blog:

As the reader has likely already guessed, the remainder of the article isn’t about baseball at all, but rather just the lyrics to 1991’s smash-hit single “Good Vibrations.”