The Feast of Cy the Very Ohioan

After a brief furlough for rest and relaxation, the feast-day celebrations return today with some combination of pomp and circumstance.

Cy the Very Ohioan

Life: While even the most casual of baseball fans will be familiar with Denton True “Cy” Young by virtue of the eponymous award given annually to each of the league’s (the American and National League’s, that is) best pitchers, it might come as a surprise to many that Young, himself, was not particularly dominant, only ever leading the league in ERA+ twice (1892 and 1901) over the span of a 22-year career. Rather, what distinguises Young from other pitchers is his control (leading the league in BB/9 for 13 seasons) and his unparalleled durability, a trait that enabled him to set records — in games started (814), complete games (749), innings pitched (7356.0), wins (511), and losses (316) — that still exist today. Born and raised on a farm in Gilmore, Ohio, Young returned to Ohio in 1912 (after retiring), where he lived and worked on his farm until his death in 1955.

Spiritual Exercise: Read the poem “Monday” by Primo Levi. Conjure in your mind a man for whom, instead of sadness, mindless repetition brings comfort and joy. Does the man resemble Cy Young? (If not, you’re likely doing this wrong.)

Read the rest of this entry »


What Keeps Granderson Up At Night

We’re pleased to present here the inaugural post from Mr. Patrick Cain. Mr. Cain’s work has appeared in ESPN The Magazine and Bloomberg Businessweek, among other publications. His skill set includes “talking to people and then writing it down” — a trait that will hopefully make the pages of NotGraphs brighter than the brightest summer day. In what follows, he shows off his ability to embed video, as well.

It’s not easy being a Yankee. The 2011 season, with division rivals sharpening their teeth, will be no different. Would anyone blame a Bronx Bombers are having problems sleeping? Friends at NY-based sports-humor group, 12 Angry Mascots, understand they understand what’s really behind a lack of z’s. Thankfully, Curtis Granderson is a good sport.

The group performs next on April 7 at The Peoples Improv Theater.


Best Possible Use of Google Alerts?

Is this the best possible use for Google Alerts? If not, I’m thinking it’s close, at least.

H/T: Unfettered Joy


Extry, Extry: Beer Sorcery

No doubt, you’ve thumbed through Da Vinci’s notebooks and seen crude sketches of this:

That’s the Bottom’s Up beer dispenser, and, much like felt renderings of poker-playing dogs and season one of “Temptation Island,” it’s another of Da Vinci’s dreams for civilization that has been triumphantly realized. This innovation, obviously, will help beer vendors move product, and, much more importantly, it will also bring domestic swill to parched American lips that much faster. So it comes with little surprise that the Red Sox are early adopters of Jesus’s favorite thing ever.

As any good binge drinker knows, it’s the destination, not the journey, and the Bottom’s Up will help get you there faster than something that’s extraordinarily fast plus a tailwind. Until next summer’s release of the Bud Light Lime IV Bag, this will have to do.


Joe West at the Olympics

Joe West. Umpire. Singer-songwriter. Golfer. President. Equipment — “West Vest” — designer. Actor. Cowboy. Adventurer. The Great Ejector.

Last, and probably most impressive of all, Olympian.

There is nothing, friends, that Joe West cannot do.


Ozzie Guillen, Hombre of Letters

If today you watch only one profane video of an Ozzie Guillen impersonator explicating a tale of Jazz-Age pathos, then please, please, please make it this one. Believe me when I say this is buffering time well spent.

(Steely yet grateful gaze: Big League Stew)


Emilio Bonifacio: Deal With It



You scared of Emilio Bonifacio? You should be.

The “Deal With It” meme has been circling for some time now. Apparently, it may have its’ origins in High School Musical according to this detailed discussion of the meme. Let’s not let that spoil the fun.

Florida Marlins fans may be well acquainted with the flaws in Emilio Bonifacio’s game. You know what? He cares not, as he’s the likely fore-runner for the starting third base spot now that prospect Matt Dominguez was sent down. Cue the gif.

You know what, though? We may have found the high-water mark for this meme, the moment at which the wave will break and recede, leaving all manner of broken links in its path as it returns. Well, it’s either the Bonifacio gif, or this one.

H/T: Erik Manning (Bonifacio), CajoleJuice (Nosewash)


Pedro Immortalized at the Smithsonian


Artiste de l’art: Susan Miller-Havens. Artiste de la vie: Pedro Martinez.

Kind of piling it on at this point in our private life-achievements competition, Pedro Martinez will have his portrait unveiled today in the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery. Here’s a sneak peek of the painting, which is called “El Orgullo y la Determinacion (Pride and Determination).” The artist, Susan Miller-Havens, has several other baseball-related paintings on her site.

Since Pedro first achieved greatness in bilingual Montreal, and since our topic today is “fine art,” I thought I would reproduce the following brief news story on this matter from the French-Canadian website Canoe.ca. Read the rest of this entry »


Going to a Sox Game with My 90-Year-Old Grandfather

Mere hours ago, I attended a Boston Red Sox-Florida Marlins game with my 90-year-old grandfather, Philip (né Filippo) Cistulli. Below is a brief account of same.

Before I begin in earnest, some brief information about my grandfather: he’s originally from Bristol, Connecticut, son of immigrants. After his father died (when my grandfather was quite young), he resolved more or less to become The World’s Greatest Pater Familias. By most accounts, he succeeded. He’s now a widower who splits his time between Florida and the Boston area.

Another note: despite the fact that my grandfather’s story could very well be rendered beautifully and heartbreakingly by someone so inclined to do such a thing, Carson Cistulli is decidedly not that writer. Most of our interactions consist of him offering career advice and me pretending I know better. It would be disingenuous to represent them otherwise.

Now, here:

Five Brief Conversations We Had
ONE
Me: Grandpa, you mind if I write about our trip to the game this afternoon?

Grandfather: I’d be honored — so long as you don’t write anything stupid.

Read the rest of this entry »


Declassified Utility Bill of the Day

That’s Oddibe McDowell! This is one of Oddibe McDowell’s recent water bills! Please enjoy, and I hope you didn’t have any pressing obligations for the rest of the afternoon!