1) Actually, that title is somewhat of a misnomer. This first balk is, like, totally obvious.
Show #9 (Season 2)
“The Unnatural”
Larry’s softball team has a chance of winning the championship, but with their star player unavailable, Larry’s hopes of winning the coveted trophy might rest on Balki’s shoulders.
Dallas Braden is excited.
See? I told you.
You, the reader, may not fully understand just how excited Dallas Braden is. I, the author, somewhat fortunately, do not understand just how excited Dallas Braden is. But you know who does? People on the Maury Povich show. Like this guy:
And this guy:
In fact, I think Braden actually might have been on Maury one of those times… I think we have the footage (which will be embiggened upon clickage):
Well, just allow me to say congratulations to Dallas on both fronts (the being able to throw and the not being the father).
Many thanks to Holy Maury Mother Of God for existing and having these great images.
Commenter/reader/strapping violinist ChrisDTX, over yonder in the most recent “Nickname Seeks Player” nomination thread, calls the writer’s attention to what follows, your Daguerreotype of the Evening …
There are not one but two nouns for what you ogle above: handsomeness and handsomity. As for me, I do intend to gaze at the Daguerreotype of the Evening for a bit longer but not until I retrieve my sandalwood hand fan and safely position myself astride the fainting couch.
How could the image above excrete, seep and ooze even more handsomeness and handsomity? I present to you the surely true and accurate description that accompanies the above Daguerreotype of the Evening:
Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander talks with reporters before leaving Detroit on the team’s Winter Caravan Thursday, Jan. 20, 2011, in Detroit. (AP Photo/Paul Sancya)
Yes, this is how Mr. Verlander looks while chatting up reporters and mingling with devoted rooters: pocket-squared, lapeled and striking his most intense pre-coitus gaze.
Mr. Verlander, winner of games and hearts.
While, to the untrained eye, these various Cardinal rookies appear to be dressed in a haphazard assortment of humiliating costumes, the discerning reader will note the obvious theme among their respective outfits — namely, that each one represents a different era in David Bowie’s long and important musical career.
The idea, of course, comes courtesy of Lance Berkman, who’s on record as saying, apropos Bowie’s glam-rock alter ego, “Ziggy Stardust really taught me how to just be Lance Berkman.”
Image brought to the attention of NotGraphs via Jesse Wolfersberger.
Despite his conspicuous flaws — like his pitching, famously, and also his hitting, too, probably — Rick Ankiel continues to possess one of the league’s strongest (and, strangely, most accurate) throwing arms.
In fact, three of Ankiel’s most spectacular throws have occurred within the past two months. While none of them is so transcendent as either of the two outfield assists he recorded in a single game back in 2008, they’re certainly — each of them — exemplary examples of the genre.
Voila, readership:
7/29/11: Jason Bay at the plate.
Normally, I am one to mock without ceasing those who would soliloquize on the Mobile Cellular Telephone during a delightful game of base and ball. However, it is good for the temperament — and helps prevent typhus and pleurisy — if the Businessman occasionally becomes the Leisured Businessman. And that, unfortunately, entails using the portable horn.
Of course, if the Businessman can conduct Business while still keeping his wits about him, then miracles follow …
You’re damn right he made the sale.
Washington National righty Brad Peacock made his first major-league start Wednesday night — an appearance that was much anticipated by the present author, if by few others. The 23-year-old struck out over a third of the batters he faced in 98.2 innings this year at Double-A Harrisburg — a figure that dipped to a still totally fine 23.5% after a mid-season promotion to Triple-A Syracuse.
Having only ever seen Peacock while under the influence of good cheer (and, it should be said, fermented beverages) at the recent FanGraphs event in San Francisco, I was happy to watch him again on Wednesday (under the influence of only one of the aforementioned stimuli).
Peacock wasn’t overwhelming, walking three while striking out just two in five innings, but he did occasionally feature a curveball that one could reasonably describe as having “aphrodisiac properties.”
Both curveballs you see here are from the third inning. The first one, above, is to Josh Satin and features 8.4 inches of glove-side movement and a full 10 inches of drop — relative to the league averages of 5.8 and 6.0, respectively, for a curveball.
The second one, below, is less impressive in terms of overall movement — 6.8 inches of glove-side movement and 8.1 inches of drop — but more impressive in that the person swinging and missing at it is the very talented Jose Reyes.
Prostitutes have descended upon the convention floor (as requested by a certain randy delegate from Ohio), and that means the nominating process is done. So rejoice, suffragists: the time to vote has come! At stake in this urgent referendum? The matter of which current player should be nicknamed “Aqua Velva Man!”
As always, the nominees have been culled to suit the whims of the Secret Monarch …
Before the writer makes love to the reader with words, your Daguerreotype of the Evening …
Ignore, if you can, the dystopic Uniform from the Future and instead bathe in the glow of what is the lushest mustache you’ll see until the next time you run into an oil wildcatter at the saloon in 1891. This is the mustache a John McGraw Man wears. It is a mustache known throughout history as “The Payback McGloin.” It is Jeff King’s mustache. It is your Daguerreotype of the Evening.
Many will enter (bids), only one will leave (with an autographed Tom Milone hat).
The attentive reader, using the part of his brain responsible for memory, will recall how, yesterday, the author provided a clear-minded and level-headed status update on an autographed and game-worn Tom Milone hat recently made available at MiLB Auctions.
It’s with no little difficulty that the author maintains his trademark calm this Wednesday evening. For, in the hours between the present post and the one from yesternight, no fewer than nine bids have been placed on the Tom Milone hat in question, pushing the current high bid for said Tom Milone hat up to $26.00.
Despite the stark jump in price, many experts believe the game-worn and then autographed hat could eventually be worth enough to pay for an entire college education — or, that’s likely what experts would say were anyone to ask. With that sort of potential value at stake, it’s unlikely that bidding has ceased on this game-worn and autographed and green, yellow, and red Syracuse Chiefs hat from Latino night by Tom Milone at Alliance Bank Stadium on August 8, 2011.