Nickname Seeks Player: Vote on “Aqua Velva Man”

Prostitutes have descended upon the convention floor (as requested by a certain randy delegate from Ohio), and that means the nominating process is done. So rejoice, suffragists: the time to vote has come! At stake in this urgent referendum? The matter of which current player should be nicknamed “Aqua Velva Man!”

As always, the nominees have been culled to suit the whims of the Secret Monarch …

Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

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10 years ago

How does Beckham, a pimply-faced manchild with Justin Bieber hair, get so many votes?

Went with Votto.