Reader Well-Beered Englishman, who has likely sired many children on even more continents, has a request that, against all odds, falls within the purview of the present author. A request for GIFs, is what kind of request. For multiple GIFs, in fact, of Oakland A’s right-hander A.J. Griffin — and, specifically, for GIFs of A.J. Griffin’s curveball.

Provided the PITCHf/x data at Brooks Baseball is accurate — and who would suspect otherwise, besides some overly suspicious jerk? — Griffin threw 13 curves during his Friday start at Texas, of which a total of five were taken for strikes and four for balls. According to Harry Pavlidis, about twice as many curves are taken for balls as strikes in the majors, suggesting that, in addition to being as shapely and refulgent as a young Brigitte Bardot, Griffin’s curve is also rather effective.

Below are the requested GIFs, my fellow Americans.

GIFs like this one, of Elvis Andrus taking strike three in the first inning:

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There are 30 words to find. (A few of them are parts of multi-word phrases.) I’m not telling you what they are. Find them.

G L Z Q M P J T X B P V E Y Y
W R S T R A S B U R G E R N E
I D O I G Y O S O C R R Z O S
E L C X A I E T N H E L S S O
T E L R I M A I T P E A X R P
E S A U O S C N N O N N S A R
R J K C T K R Y C T N D O C E
S F T E N S A E A A N E U N T
J U P A E D I N B D R R U A S
O O M O R S A C T M R L U M U
O E C A M E R O N E U E O L B
L O W R I E Y B R A U N N E E
W A H S R E K A D R I E W P U
E H C A T S U M L W U S S P R
N O D D A M I F B P Q G N A T

[All quotes are approximate, the recorder was not running for this one.]

Me: Hey Miguel what are you reading.

[Hands me Lost Angel in Spanish]

Me: I have no Spanish — something about an Angel?

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If this doesn’t make for a good movie, then what does?

Jim Morris has one. Joe Jackson has several. Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, and Ty Cobb all have movies — and even Billy Beane has one now — but who still needs one?

This is a potent question because — as we all know — movie executives read NotGraphs with regularlity, so if we as a group decide on, say, the top five players who need baseball movies made about their lives, WE CAN FULLY ANTICIPATE SAID PLAYERS TO HAVE A MOVIE MADE WITHIN THE NEXT TWO YEARS. Counting from the moment we finishing crowd-sourcing the screenplay, naturally.

So who out there needs a movie — players or executives that either do not have a movie about them or only have a crappy one? My first choices include:

• Roberto Clemente
• “Three Finger” Mordecai Peter Centennial “Miner” / “Brownie” Brown
• Branch Rickey *
• Ron Santo
• Eddie Gaedel
• Dick Allen

* The upcoming Jackie Robinson movie 42 apparently has Harrison Ford playing Branch Rickey in a prominent role, but Rickey’s accomplishments merit a movie all to the themselves.

So whom else deserve consideration? Who on this list does not deserves consideration? Debate, and then we’ll vote.

ASIDE: Which one of you nerds wrote this on Dick Allen’s Wikipedia page? “Dick Allen was a true professional singer. He sang in a high, delicate tenor that belied his powerful body.”

Shared with minimal comment, courtesy of Jonathan Gantt:

Terrifying, yet irresistible.

My favorite part? Watching what appears to be the broadcaster dashing across the field (2:53) moments after telling us he would do just that. A man of his word.

Dateline: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg Florida

I was minding my own business, reading over the pregame notes for the Rays and Tigers. I turned my head for a few moments to gaze at the batting practice display of Prince Fielder. After returning to my upright and forward position I was startled to find the horrifyingly creepy and irksome Zim Bear sitting on my shoulder, his plush feet aiding in his sneak attack on my person.

Don’t let anyone fool you, he is not an inanimate object merely handed out like a cheap party favor. He is REAL. I am currently being held against my will. He will not leave.

Help.

Democratic congressman / starting pitcher Cedric Raymond. Photo via the National Journal.

A very exciting day in politics on Thursday was capped off by the annual Congressional Baseball Game — for charity! At Nationals Park, the Democrats hit the Republicans hard in an 18-5 victory. Rep. Cedric Raymond was the starting pitcher for the Dems side, and he pitched a complete game win. He also had a multiple-hits game at the plate and was awarded the MVP award by his teammates. Raymond was a varsity pitcher at Morehouse College and apparently he still throws in the early 80s. The ceremonial first pitch was thrown out by an Astros rainbow-guts-era adorned Ron Paul — who you may remember, hit a home run in the game in 1979. Paul was also inducted into the Congressional Baseball Hall of Fame, which is apparently a thing. It’s worth noting that the Democrats have now won the game four years in a row. Baseball also beat out politics, for one night only, as Republican manager Joe Barton (Texas) was quoted as saying “Win or lose, we’re gonna go upstairs after it’s over and have a hotdog.” America!

Ron Paul. Photo via the National Journal.

The nomination process, which was a thicket of sexy possibilities, is now complete. In accordance with established standards, empaneled racists have whittled the list down to a manageable ledger of 10, from which you are to choose the one most worthy of the nickname “Iago’s Balls.” Remember: This player is not only evil, like Iago, but also foul-smelling, like Iago’s hairy giggle-beans.

So, those who quarter soldiers in peacetime, you may now cast ballots on who — or what! — should forevermore be nicknamed “Iago’s Balls” …

Thank you for exercising the franchise.

In Athens, Georgia, obviously, by a man — a professional — known to the FanGraphs community as “Fattinton_Bear,” one of our many award-winning correspondents in the field.

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New device in the house. Now it has to learn all my words again. But! Now I get to see what all these player names turn into in the hands of Auto-Correct.

Can you guess who I was trying to write about? I bet you’ll figure them all out, but I’ll try to do them from easiest to toughest. Maybe I’ll send the winner something if someone gets em all.

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