In a sport that clings to its traditions — from managers wearing uniforms to the playing of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” during the seventh-inning stretch — one time-honored feature at the ballpark has taken an absurd turn, at least for the game’s purists: the ceremonial first pitch. For decades, the honor was extended only a few times a season to a rarefied group that included presidents, mayors and military veterans. These days, it is regarded as a marketing opportunity, a sweetener in sponsorship deals between baseball teams and groups that want a piece of the spotlight. The rite, now carried out nightly, is handed to actors and reality television stars, sponsors’ representatives and contest winners, and people dressed as animals as well as actual animals.
— The New York Times, 5/29/13

Throwing out the ceremonial first pitch tonight are twelve special guests, and one fan who won a lottery drawing conducted by our friends at Bank of America. The first honoree is from TV’s World’s Deadliest Animals on the National Geographic Channel. Please, if you are seated in the first six rows, be prepared to run from the wild tiger currently entering the stadium, getting ready to throw the ball to the catcher your home team has deemed most expendable.

Our second honoree is from our friends at Merck Pharmaceuticals, our sponsor for tonight’s Mood Elevator Giveaway, where the first 15,000 fans received a pill to help them forget about the 65% likelihood we would lose tonight’s game, just like we’ve lost 65% of the ones that preceded it. Of course, we still have 4,000 pills left over, since we can’t seem to fill even a quarter of our seats over here. So please put your hands together for Merck’s Director of Experimental Drug Development.

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Here at NotGraphs, we have often tried to shine a light on how spectacles make the game of baseball better. How much better? Well, it’s hard to quantify. But I think it’s safe to say “lots.” They make baseball lots better.

But there is a spectrum of spectacles. On the one end are these monstrosities worn by Vance Worley, which understandably led to a 7.21 ERA and a 5.55 FIP for the Twins in 10 starts:

 Now compare them to these spectacles worn by Kurt Russell during his three seasons as a minor league second baseman baseball in the Angels’ system from 1971-1973: Read the rest of this entry »

There are those who will contend that — contrary to the claims being made by the author in the title of this post — that what Dodgers pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu is captured doing here, in this artisanally crafted animated GIF file, doesn’t constitute a bat flip proper.

What those people don’t understand is, is that the author is paid to make breezy comments about trivial baseball occurrences. And also that, relative to an infinite universe, that all is trivial, actually. And also that we’re, all of us, cadavers merely awaiting our future caskets.

Credit to internet user/abuser urbuddy haysoos for bringing the author’s attention to this Moment in History.

Second Base, Head First

Elimination Number: 75

Due to the hammering down of what actually constitutes my tastes, and using that stencil to make decisions about which people who I care to listen and admire, I have ended up with a select group of people I call friends. Some I’ve met more than others, some hold a more prominent role in this constructed circle, but almost all of them share at least one quality; they love the show Arrested Development. And with good reason. It’s delightful.

This past weekend, the creators of the show released a fifth season of sorts, years after the show’s original and untimely end. This was lauded by my acquaintances as a triumph, a righting of a wrong, and — most importantly — another opportunity to entertain ourselves. The buzz surrounding the release was palatable, as people’s breaths were sufficiently bated. Without even checking, I’m going to say that there was a Tumblr counting down the days. That’s how confident I am that there was one. This past Memorial Day weekend, the episodes were released. The Internet subsequently lost its shit. I was visiting my parents at the time, helping them do chores that emphysema and hysterectomies have made more difficult than they used to be. I missed the experience that many had, but I knew the episodes would be there when I returned home.

But, the thing is, I don’t think I want to see the new episodes.

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TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays are set to bring Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson back into the fold. Henderson will be announced as the Blue Jays’ first-ever sliding coach after Tuesday’s matinee against the Braves, NotGraphs has learned.

The move’s being applauded in baseball circles, both for its outside-the-box thinking, and because the Blue Jays clearly don’t know how to slide, especially into second base. Rickey Henderson does.

“Rickey’s going to teach these fools how to swipe a bag without spraining an ankle,” Henderson said, when NotGraphs caught up with him at breakfast Tuesday morning.

“Rickey’s embarrassed, to be honest with you. First Reyes, now Lawrie. Who’s next? Bautista? It’s Rickey’s job to make sure nobody else goes down.”

Jose Reyes, one of Toronto’s many – and arguably the most – prized offseason acquisitions, was injured in only his tenth game of the season, when he slid awkwardly into second base in Kansas City on April 12. A severely sprained ankle will keep him out of the lineup until mid-to-late June.

“Rickey never wants to see Reyes crying on the field after stealing a bag again,” a determined Henderson said. “Ever.”

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Directly following Angel Pagan’s dramatic walk-off inside-the-park home run on Saturday, Pagan and teammates Marco Scutaro and Andres Torres debuted their new musical act. The group, known as “Pagan Angel” in tribute to a Bradley Woodrum short story, plays what drummer Scutaro describes as “neo-glam-metalcore fusion.”

Previously: Eric Jagielo / Trey Michalczewski.

Last week’s Ask NotGraphs post brought 7 new questions. Thanks, readers. I will start with the strangest.

Hi Jerm

鬼佬

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Major-league purveyor of street justice Dave Stewart knows that it’s not nice to wallop one’s elder with the implement of destruction known as Dave Stewart’s igneous right hand, but when said elder makes with the kicky-pants the time for thunderclap soup-bones is at hand. Recoil and then spit out your teeth …

Pat Corrales, thou art cautionary tale made man.

File under: Classic F***ing Brawls.