Opening Day Promotions, 2012

The Miami Marlins gave away a “Marlins Commemorative Opening Night Lanyard” (more like lameyard, amirite?) to fans who attended the premier regular season game at Marlins Stadium last night.

In case you were wondering what other teams are giving away in their respective home openers today, NotGraphs has compiled a list:

 
Boston Red Sox @ Detroit Tigers
Opening day is “House Deed Day” to the first 10,000 fans through the gates at Comerica Park: deeds are for one of the many available houses throughout greater Detroit. One lucky fan will receive the deed for Michigan Central Station.

Casino vouchers will be provided to the rest of the sell-out crowd; fans can also sign up for a chance to win the responsibility of paying Prince Fielder’s salary.
 
 
Atlanta Braves @ New York Mets
Meanwhile, at Citi Field, it’s “Jason Bay Give Away” day. One lucky fan will get to take the Mets leftfielder home with them, with the understanding that under no circumstances Bay be allowed to return to the ballpark.

Also, the Mets have a really great investment opportunity that they’ve been meaning to talk to fans about . . .
 
 
Philadelphia Phillies @ Pittsburgh Pirates
The Pirates are giving away “some of that old Carnegie moolah” on account of the city has “no idea whatsoever what to do with all of it” according to mayor Luke Ravenstahl.
 
 
Washington Nationals @ Chicago Cubs
In honor of the only significant off-season move the team made — acquiring GM Theo Epstein from the Red Sox — the Cubs will be giving away Free Items to Be Named Later.
 
 
Toronto Blue Jays @ Cleveland Indians
It’s not really a give away, but the Indians will be setting the Cuyahoga River on fire again to “recapture the glory days.”

“…rollin’ into Cleveland to the lake…”

 
 
Miami Marlins @ Cincinnati Reds
In addition to leftover Marlins lanyards, which the Reds shrewdly purchased for pennies on the dollar, Great American Ballpark will be handing out giant novelty checks in the “amount” of $225MM.
 
 
Los Angeles Dodgers @ San Diego Padres
In 1979, the Phillies wore these all-burgundy uniforms once and promptly refused to wear them ever again. Empowered by this notion, the 2012 Padres, in the absence of camo-apologist Heath Bell, will cease to wear equally hideous uniforms, which means opening day at Petco Park is, you guessed it, “Game-Worn Camo Jersey” day.

Grody to the max; gag me with a spoon.