NotGraphs Is Going Away Because It Is Pregnant, Unmarried

Perhaps you’ve heard about the new discrimination lawsuit against the Mets by an employee who claims she was harassed and fired because she was unmarried and pregnant. (Craig Calcaterra’s take on it — click the link — is a must-read, btw.) Ah, the Mets. The suit makes it only natural to admit here, for the first time, that NotGraphs is leaving the FanGraphs family because it, too, is pregnant and unmarried.

See, when a website loves another website, sometimes formalities aren’t important. Who needs the security of an https when you trust each other? Who needs a broadband around your finger? Frankly, who should even care who the GoDaddy is at a time like this? It’s 2014, people. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes two websites join together and make a third, sometimes one website splits apart into pieces, sometimes websites just stop updating and go to that Internet Wayback Machine in the sky.

The point, even though there definitely isn’t one, is that NotGraphs just wanted to have a child, but the price you pay is that sometimes you’re told that you’ve run your course and you have to be replaced by someone newer, someone fresher, maybe someone more tech-savvy — or maybe that’s just the temp coming in while you cut your hours in preparation for the birth.

It’s not as if no one’s ever loved NotGraphs, it’s just that no one ever wanted to take the next step. Maybe it was the mustaches. There are creams and stuff we could have used, I guess. I don’t know. But why should the lack of a wedding, with everyone dressed in purple, throwing banknotes in the air, stand in our way of reproducing? It’s discrimination, I tell you. As much as this post makes any sense at all, it’s discrimination.

The lesson here, even though there certainly isn’t one, is that it’s all Jeff Wilpon’s fault. He’s the reason for the end of summer, the end of David Wright’s season, and the end of NotGraphs. So, thanks, Jeff. Thanks a lot.





Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Yirmiyahu
8 years ago

BREAKING NEWS: Wily Mo Pena is looking for an MLB contract for 2015.

Please let it be so.

Yirmiyahoo
8 years ago
Reply to  Yirmiyahu

BREAKING NEWS: MLB teams are looking for a Wily Mo Pena toy in the bottom of their respective cereal boxes.

Details at 11.