New Hats For Alex Torres

Alex Torres– who I should have protected on my Scoresheet team!– over the weekend became the first pitcher to wear a padded, protective, giant, silly-looking hat on the mound. Hats off to Torres– or, I guess, hats on to him– for not wanting to get injured by a comebacker. Really, the part of me not trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this is 100% behind the hat, players should absolutely try to avoid being seriously injured by stuff, however clunky the hat looks.

Ah, but the part of me that is trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this thought it would make sense to search the Internet a bit for some alternative hats that Torres might consider wearing his next time on the mound.

Presenting: New Hats for Alex Torres

We hoped you liked reading New Hats For Alex Torres by Jeremy Blachman!

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Brian
Guest

Right, because the guy trying to prevent a potentially lethal-head injury should be photoshopped into a dress.

I love jokes as much as the next guy, but this is really weak.

bdhudson
Guest
Member
bdhudson

For you, I shall play a tiny violin.

tz
Guest
tz

Based on the third picture, we should be more concerned about poor Alex regenerating some arms. Tough to pitch without them.

The Next Guy
Guest
The Next Guy

Liar, I found this hilarious.

IMW
Guest
IMW

“Really, the part of me not trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this is 100% behind the hat, players should absolutely try to avoid being seriously injured by stuff, however clunky the hat looks.”

resolution
Guest
resolution

You’re right, lets stop discriminating – those who aren’t trying to prevent a potentially lethal-head injury should also be photoshopped into dresses.

Brandon Warne
Guest

Do you even Notgraphs, bro?

Brian
Guest

I do! But if you’re going to do something like this, you’ve got to make it funny.

Take the risk, deal with the consequences. Not funny, therefore, tasteless.

frivoflava29
Guest
frivoflava29

I guess you missed Mike Bates’ dick and balls two week ago?