New Hats For Alex Torres

by
June 23, 2014

Alex Torres– who I should have protected on my Scoresheet team!– over the weekend became the first pitcher to wear a padded, protective, giant, silly-looking hat on the mound. Hats off to Torres– or, I guess, hats on to him– for not wanting to get injured by a comebacker. Really, the part of me not trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this is 100% behind the hat, players should absolutely try to avoid being seriously injured by stuff, however clunky the hat looks.

Ah, but the part of me that is trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this thought it would make sense to search the Internet a bit for some alternative hats that Torres might consider wearing his next time on the mound.

Presenting: New Hats for Alex Torres





 

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Brian
9 years ago

Right, because the guy trying to prevent a potentially lethal-head injury should be photoshopped into a dress.

I love jokes as much as the next guy, but this is really weak.

-3
bdhudsonmember
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

For you, I shall play a tiny violin.

12
tz
9 years ago
Reply to  bdhudson

Based on the third picture, we should be more concerned about poor Alex regenerating some arms. Tough to pitch without them.

21
The Next Guy
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

Liar, I found this hilarious.

5
IMW
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

“Really, the part of me not trying to wring a NotGraphs post from this is 100% behind the hat, players should absolutely try to avoid being seriously injured by stuff, however clunky the hat looks.”

2
resolution
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

You’re right, lets stop discriminating – those who aren’t trying to prevent a potentially lethal-head injury should also be photoshopped into dresses.

22
Brandon Warnemember
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

Do you even Notgraphs, bro?

2
Brian
9 years ago
Reply to  Brandon Warne

I do! But if you’re going to do something like this, you’ve got to make it funny.

Take the risk, deal with the consequences. Not funny, therefore, tasteless.

0
frivoflava29
9 years ago
Reply to  Brian

I guess you missed Mike Bates’ dick and balls two week ago?

0