New Billy Hamilton Seeking to Replace Old Billy Hamilton

Those in the know know that Reds prospect Billy Hamilton is not content with merely pilfering bases and scampering home. Rather, it is his roguish aim to scrub from history the other, older Billy Hamilton, who toiled from 1888 to 1901 (i.e., Back When God Liked Us). Those ill intentions are ill enough, but now comes the clearest sign yet that he’s winning …

As you can plainly see, New Billy Hamilton has now placed himself athwart and astride the fellow travelers of Old Billy Hamilton — many of them Irish, all of them racist.

It is now New Billy Hamilton who is hoisting poisonous toddies with Ed Delahanty. It is now New Billy Hamilton who worries about the croup, hardening of the liver and vaguer body troubles. It is now New Billy Hamilton who motivates himself with a fear of old-country famine. It is New Billy Hamilton who has agreed to marry the Colonel’s daughter for the sake of appearances. It is New Billy Hamilton who, upon entering the confessional, says, “Get comfortable, Padre.”

Thenceforth, New Billy Hamilton will entertain comparisons to only New Billy Hamilton.