Merry Matt Moore Monday

Matt Moore likes Mondays. Boy oh boy, he likes Mondays. Monday is the only day that starts with “M” and that’s the same letter that his names start with. He feels like he owns Monday, like every Monday is his birthday. On Mondays, he jumps out of bed bright and early and just wants to yell and shout and tell everyone that it is his favorite day of the week, Monday.

It’s Monday!!! Matt Moore just like to jump and jump and jump on Mondays! He doesn’t get tired of it! It’s like he is on the moon! That’s what Monday is named for! The moon! Look at Matt Moore; it is a little like he is on the moon!

Maybe Matt Moore likes Mondays so much because he likes the weekends so little. Weekends are when you pitch eight strong innings and still “lose.”

The weekends are like a arduous, gut-wrenching movie, but in the end there’s a big speech that resolves everything. That’s Monday — that big speech, that resolution — and Matt Moore is about to initiate the requisite slow clap.

From Matt Moore — who, according to my girlfriend, has a very nice mouth — and the rest of us here at NotGraphs: Merry Monday, everyone. Merry Matt Moore Monday!