Largely Melancholy NotGraphs World Series Chat

7:47	Comment From Posterity “Waiting for the writer to provide content…” offers a bleak foreshadowing of how we will all feel soon.

7:47	Patrick Dubuque: Along with every editor I’ve ever written for.

7:47	Baumann: My content cannot be rushed!

7:48	Carson Cistulli: Patrick Dubuque is here and so is Craig Robinson, maybe, and an interloper named Baumann.

7:48	Carson Cistulli: Nature’s Interloper, Robert Baumann

7:49	Comment From Captain Video Please suggest an album for me to listen to that is sufficiently bleak to accompany this chat (until the start of the game).

7:49	Craig Robinson: Here, Cistulli. I am here. I’m actually a little amazed that my first gen iPad doesn’t crash all the time with this coveritlive business

7:49	Patrick Dubuque: Robert’s name looks weird without the J. Once you adhere to a middle initial, it’s permanent.

7:49	Carson Cistulli: Music suggestion: Elliot Smith, but slowed down to 45 RPMs. Try NOT to kill yourself.

7:50	Patrick Dubuque: As for music options, I nominate the underground music from Zelda 1, looped ad infinitum.

7:50	Baumann: Lift Yr Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven

7:50	Craig Robinson: Barbie Girl by Aqua. Really loud.

7:51	Comment From John Paschal It is possible that I am here, and it is possible that I am not — one of history’s two or three top questions.

7:51	Jeremy Blachman: I am here. Hopeless Joe is locked in the virtual bathroom, unfortunately.

7:51	Craig Robinson: Serious question, America: when did the enormous flag stuff start? Do you all need reminding which country you are in? /snark

7:51	Comment From @wesyee Spanish flea on repeat.

7:52	Comment From Anonymous Sorry, Robinson. I can’t hear you over the sound of all this FREEDOM

7:52	Baumann: Most American’s are hard of sight, Craig. Thanks for being a jerk.

7:52	Carson Cistulli: Yeah, Craig, thanks for being a jerk.

7:52	Craig Robinson: Your freedom blew me off my chair. doffs cap

7:52	Comment From John Paschal Wait. I’m supposed to be one of the superstars in black type. Hmmm. Once again, my computer skillz have failed me, and all of humanity. Alas.

7:52	Baumann: Most American misuse apostrophe’s, too.

7:52	Patrick Dubuque: I hereby nominate that the words “royal” and “giant” be used only as nouns for the next 7-10 days. Maybe as adverbs, if the speaker is proficient enough.

7:52	Carson Cistulli: It’s not hard to tell that Paschal is the oldest contributor to NotGraphs.

7:53	Craig Robinson: Odds of the Royals mascot being a sex offender in his spare time?

7:54	Baumann: I’m going to pin all of my comments to the top. It’s featured content.

7:54	Jeremy Blachman: Great play by Moustakas there. (Sorry, not watching the game. Just trying to be relevant.)

7:54	Comment From Anonymous Worse journalist cop-out: Lorde’s ‘Royals’ or ‘They Might Be Giants’?

7:55	Patrick Dubuque: This is a good question. Also: if the Giants do win, which song title makes the best/most obnoxious headline?

7:55	Carson Cistulli: It should be noted that, due to their substantial reproductive powers, a number of NotGraphs contributors can’t be here or can only be here for a short time because their future babies are literally ABOUT TO BE BORN.

7:55	Baumann: There’s room in this world for a lot of crap, Anonymous.

7:56	Comment From Posterity Should I watch this baseball game or prepare for my thesis defense tomorrow?

7:56	Carson Cistulli: Depends, Posterity. If it’s only a humanities PhD, then it should be easy.

7:56	Zach Reynolds: You should knit a massive flag.

7:57	Carson Cistulli: If you’re a scientist, though, probably get to work.

7:57	Jeremy Blachman: Is your thesis about giants, or royals?

7:57

Craig Robinson: True life events: I am currently on vacation in the northern Belize town of Corozal. The hotel where I am staying is a small affair. There are two dirty dogs, which share a total of seven legs. The owner of this hotel has food poisoning. He is the only person who works here in the evening. He told me to help myself to beer and watch TV. I can even smoke in the bar. It’s humid as hell and I am sweaty. Good evening, America.

7:58	Comment From Posterity It’s a thesis in philosophy, so I guess that answers both questions.

7:58	Comment From Guest Why isn’t Trisha Yearwood singing her new hit song “Prizefighter”? The one that truly brings out the champion in us all, as the nice public address man said

7:58	Patrick Dubuque: Because only one team would win, and then Trisha, disproven, would cease to exist.

7:59

Comment From @wesyee
Fabulous sequencing: Carson Cistulli: It should be noted that, due to their substantial reproductive powers, a number of NotGraphs contributors can’t be here or can only be here for a short time because their future babies are literally ABOUT TO BE BORN.
Baumann: There’s room in this world for a lot of crap

7:59	Comment From Oil Can Boyd Why was there ever a humorless minority that disliked Banknotes Harper?

8:00	Carson Cistulli: Yes! Definitely, yes.

8:00	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy Carson, please say you’re still going to have Dayn Perry podcasts past the end of NG

8:00	Carson Cistulli: Dayn Perry is dead to me — and will be to everyone else, too, as soon as the authorities find where I’ve hidden his body.

8:01	Navin Vaswani: Greetings from Canada. I’m watching hockey, but watching baseball in spirit.

8:01	Baumann: So, I have been told that, as an MLB.tv subscriber, I can now watch the World Series games. But since I don’t pay for TV, I actually can’t. Craig, would this happen wherever you’re from?

8:01	Carson Cistulli: Navin, I was just in that country earlier today. The Montreal part. A real pleasure.

8:02	Navin Vaswani: The French Canadians know what’s up, that’s for sure, Chairman.

8:02	Comment From SF Dave Bay area radio stations won’t play “Royals” but the song states “We’ll never be Royals”. Should we be embracing the Lord song?

8:02	Baumann: Maybe.

8:04	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy Have you guys ever been at a playoff game? It’s so awkward when they come on the jumbotron to tell the crowd that the cameras are about to be on and that they should waive their towels.

8:04	Comment From Guest Serious question: can we keep notgraphs? Please?

8:04	Zach Reynolds: I do like to know what the towel protocol is, normally.

8:04	Patrick Dubuque: For this exact moment, yes. All other moments are beyond us and shouldn’t be considered.

8:04	Carson Cistulli: I went to an Atlanta-Toronto WS game in Atlanta. The one where Otis Nixon made the last out via bunt. Also I did the Tomahawk Chop. This isn’t the most abominable thing about me.

8:05	Jeremy Blachman: Madison Bumgarner’s name is indeed larger than all of the rest, Tom Verducci. Also longer.

8:05	Comment From BarGraphs In the absence of a NotGraphs blog, are there plans for a tour of NotGraphs Live and/or NotGraphs on Ice?

8:06	Carson Cistulli: Not unlike the Pixies, we’ll re-group in 20 years, fatter and with less hair, for the purposes of raising money.

8:07	Navin Vaswani: NotGraphs is the only site I actually read the comments. Like, I wanted to. I looked forward to. I’ll miss the comments, which is insane, in this internetting age of 2014.

8:07	Comment From John Serious question: I cut my thumb last weekend and got liquid stiches (glue). It hasn’t fallen off yet. It’s supposed to fall off. Should I see a doctor?

8:07	Patrick Dubuque: Doesn’t that technically make your thumb stronger? You’re like 1% of a superhero now.

8:08	Baumann: Or he’s like Flea, of Red Hot Chili Peppers

8:08	Comment From Sgt. Pepper Today I learned that different ethnic groups all have their own distinct way of playing Pokemon

8:08	Zach Reynolds: Please elaborate.

8:08	Craig Robinson: It seems that Belizean TV might not be showing the game. I can “chat” about the cricket channel if you want…?

8:08	Comment From AJT Cameron is promising fun. Why come here for melancholy?

8:08	Patrick Dubuque: The Normans promised fun too. Then look at what happened.

8:09	Carson Cistulli: Yeah, look what the Normans did. Jerky Normans.

8:09	Comment From David Hey Cistulli, how is MTL?

8:09	Carson Cistulli: I’m no longer there. But it was great. I was in a cafe and heard one conversation in three languages. That’s more languages than usual.

8:10	Comment From SF Dave I have it on decent authority that “Big Game James: nicknamed himself

8:10	Patrick Dubuque: At night, when the covers are drawn, we can all nickname ourselves. We can be anything.

8:10	Craig Robinson: Nice four from India there

8:10	Carson Cistulli: Are we dealing with 20-20 cricket, Robinson? Full test?

8:10	Baumann: I heard Giancarlo Stanton is leaving baseball for 20-20.

8:10	Patrick Dubuque: We need a statistic that measures mask-hurling.

8:11	Craig Robinson: Not sure. All I can tell right now is India are 74 for 3

8:11	Jeremy Blachman: I wish this crazy blue defense graphic was actually painted on the field.

8:12	Comment From Sgt. Pepper I don’t speak French but should I watch the game in French just to be pretentious?

8:12	Baumann: Wee.

8:12	Comment From Well-Beered NotGraphsman I am interested in hearing more about Craig’s hotel.

8:13	Craig Robinson: This is a highlights show. India are 105 for 3. Not sure who the opponents are. They are wearing maroon.

8:13	Patrick Dubuque: Hopefully the opponents are Shadow India.

8:13	Comment From Skoolboy Jim Frank Black was always bald and fat.

8:13	Baumann: But he lost a lot of body hair over the years.

8:14	Carson Cistulli: Right. Smart move by Black to lower everyone’s expectations — including his own.

8:14	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy Joh, you should suck it out like snake venom

8:14	Patrick Dubuque: That’s why I shaved my head at 23. I looked young for a decade.

8:14	Carson Cistulli: Not entirely sure to what that’s a response to, DC’s Puppy, but it’s sound advice, regardless.

8:14	Comment From Keeper Is it odd to extinguish all the lights in the house and watch the World Series in the dark?

8:15	Comment From AJT What ethnic group just gets a Miltank and uses rollout a bunch? That’s how I do Pokémon.

8:15	Zach Reynolds: I probably know more about pokemon than I do about baseball.

8:15	Carson Cistulli: Not if you’re of the mind to get romantic with Baseball.

8:15	Craig Robinson: An Indian guy just Harpered the shit out of a ball there. 85 metres.

8:16	Baumann: Yooooouuuu’re A-OUT-ki!

8:16	Comment From Well-Beered NotGraphsman I am about to make a sandwich. Readers and NotWriters, what are your favourite very strange sandwich ingredients?

8:16	Craig Robinson: PBJ&J. The extra J is jalapeño.

8:17	Navin Vaswani: That’s India/West Indies, Craig. I believe they’re playing a five ODIs series.

8:17	Baumann: Usinger’s sausages … as the bread.

8:17	Patrick Dubuque: Hey, readers, since you’re not doing anything else, could you gif that Buster Posey tag dodge? Thanks in advance.

8:17	Jeremy Blachman: I don’t think I have a favorite sandwich, but avocado definitely makes it better.

8:18	John Paschal: Is this thing on?

8:18	Carson Cistulli: Thanks for the actual facts, Vaswani. I can’t tolerate Craig’s half-assed cricket commentary. It’s like, paint a goddamn mental picture for me, please.

8:18	Comment From Toasty GO TEST OR GO HOME

8:18	Comment From Anonymous Avocado does not make an ice cream sandwich better, Blachman.

8:18	Jeremy Blachman: Oh, but it does! Have you had an avocado milkshake? Seriously. It is a thing and it is delicious.

8:18	Comment From Well-Beered NotGraphsman Please do not suggest normal sandwich ingredients.

8:19	John Paschal: Ooh! Thanks to the magic of these here computer machines, I just got a promotion! (The world celebrates; dignitaries weep.)

8:20	Craig Robinson: When I was at school, the PE teacher laughed at my bowling, and thus cricket never really caught on with me. He also laughed at my tennis serve. Maybe he was just a dick.

8:20	Jeremy Blachman: Kelvin Herrera’s new inning is about to be the 1st.

8:20	Patrick Dubuque: Hunter Pence celebrates like everyone else, seems like

8:20	Comment From @wesyee Wil Myers has never given up a leadoff single in a World Series game.

8:20	John Paschal: Game 1 of the World Series appears to have started midway through the first quarter.

8:20	Craig Robinson: Hey guys, who’s winning the based balls?

8:21	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman Mental picture for Carson: the grass is green. The men are dark. The clothes are white. The stakes are high. The aces are wild. The bats are polished. The Belizian hotel is full of smoke.

8:21	Patrick Dubuque: This is how The Heart of the Matter should have started.

8:21	Comment From Meano Eno Blanchman! I am currently in law school and someone mentioned your book the other day and I was like oh he writes funny things about baseball too! THEY DIDNT CARE

8:21	Jeremy Blachman: Of course they didn’t care– they’re in law school. And lawyers are awful. Except you, I’m sure.

8:21	Craig Robinson: India are 179-4, btw

8:22	Comment From Sgt. Pepper Once Pence was able to successfully consume the entire horse heart, this series was basically over

8:22	Comment From Guest Cistulli, for taking notgraphs away from us I hope someday somebody takes something you really enjoy. Like racism, for example.

8:23	Comment From Anonymous Everyone shut the hell up. Michael Morse is about to do baseball things.

8:23	Comment From MD Navin is right. That’s the 2nd ODI from Delhi. The penultimate game in the tour that might have destroyed the institution that was West Indies cricket for good.

8:23	Comment From concerned viewer RIP feel good royals storylines 2014-2014

8:23	Craig Robinson: If, btw, you are the type of person who likes to have an actual baseball on your desk, just to, y’know, fondle, may I suggest buying a cricket ball, cos they are also nice in that regard.

8:24	Patrick Dubuque: I’m still recovering from three months of baseball things Morse did for the Mariners last year.

8:26	Comment From 4 Maybe by “Big Game James’ they mean that he hunts large animals for fun

8:26	Craig Robinson: Cricket channel crapped out. No signal. I’m watching Gone in 60 Seconds now.

8:26	Comment From Shrewd Cat Kidney stone no longer an issue for Shields.

8:26	Patrick Dubuque: Maybe it was the source of his power.

8:27	John Paschal: Creepy Rob Lowe looks like Crispin Glover. Related item: Whatever happened to Crispin Glover?

8:27	Craig Robinson: Being called Big Game James is surely a curse. As Great Fuck Craig, I know how he feels.

8:28	Comment From Jackowitz anyone know a) how to install linux from a usb drive b) why we must grow old & die ?

8:28	Carson Cistulli: One of these questions is unanswerable.

8:30	Comment From MD Craig – India (263/7) beat West Indies (215) by 48 runs. And they steal all the cars.

8:30	Craig Robinson: Nice one. Thanks.

8:30	Jeremy Blachman: Q:which umpire mugshot looks most like a felon?

8:30	Comment From Sgt. Pepper After leaving NotGraphs, Craig Robinson started BallGraphs where be attempted to quantify what it was like to fondle various types of balls.

8:30	Comment From Keeper MLB International feed featuring Rick Sutcliffe. He just said that “sometimes an overachiever gets tired of overachieving” and then went onto decry sabermetrics in the next sentence. It’s surreal

8:31	Patrick Dubuque: I wish the positional floor carpets were sized depending on the player’s defensive range.

8:31	Craig Robinson: Angelina Jolie is a car mechanic and, get this, she’s a girl!

8:31	Zach Reynolds: I live above a family of Italians. They are currently yelling at each other at maximum volume. I can’t tell if it’s normal yelling. Pretty exciting stuff! Terrific!

8:32	Patrick Dubuque: Status update: my one-year-old daughter just tried to eat all my Josh Willingham jokes. Crisis averted.

8:33	Baumann: spaghetti mostaccioli microwave popcorn

8:33	Comment From Meano Eno what is normal yelling

8:33	Patrick Dubuque: The kind you perform while facing your own mortality.

8:33

Comment From ST3
‘Bumgarner was born August 1, 1989, in Hickory, North Carolina, in an area nicknamed “Bumtown” because of the abundance of people with the last name Bumgarner who have lived there over the years.[2]’ I defy anyone to find a better Wiki snippet for any player currently playing in this World Series.

8:33	Carson Cistulli: “Hunter Pence’s full name is actually Hunter Pence I Didn’t Even Hold Her Name.” You can’t make this stuff up.

8:34	Craig Robinson: I found the baseball channel. No more cricket or nicolas cage for me.

8:35	Comment From God Thanks! Your comment is awaiting moderation.

8:35	John Paschal: That’s some serious moderation, right there.

8:35	David G Temple: Oh, Hello.

8:35	Carson Cistulli: Snap. It would appear as though David “Good Times” Temple is here.

8:35	Comment From Guest Is Cistulli done yelling under Reynolds’ apartment now?

8:35	Zach Reynolds: I’ve asked for him to be evicted so, so many times.

8:36	Comment From Anonymous Bible of Lazers in the hooouse

8:36	Comment From Tylersnotes Wait did they just say Dayton Moore is the kid from littke big league or did I fill in some context gaps in that anecdote

8:36	Carson Cistulli: You, sir, are NOT sober. Or Jack Kennedy. You’re neither sober, nor John F Kennedy.

8:37	John Paschal: Cistulli, can we do this during the day? But, like, with “General Hospital” and stuff?

8:38	David G Temple: Can we curse in here? I’m about to have a bunch of whiskey soon.

8:38	Comment From Shrewd Cat #GeneralHospitalGraphs

8:38	John Paschal: You know it!

8:38	Navin Vaswani: When I get drunk enough, the Royals look like the Blue Jays. And I am happy.

8:38	Comment From Cistulli? Fuck that guy

8:39	Carson Cistulli: Fair enough.

8:39	John Paschal: Were his feet in-bounds?

8:39	Patrick Dubuque: Meanwhile: outfield defense!

8:39	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman Sandwich update: in the brand-new panini press

8:39	Zach Reynolds: Update me on the nodes.

8:40	Comment From Andrew WK PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY

8:40	David G Temple: Can’t stop won’t stop

8:40	Comment From Benjamin When I get drunk enough, Carson looks like Jean Valjean. And I am happy.

8:40	Comment From Sgt. Pepper Did Chevrolet just tell me I had a 13 year old daughter?

8:40	Carson Cistulli: Sorry you had to find out this way.

8:41

Craig Robinson: So, I arrived in Belize this morning, around lunchtime I was have lunch, as is the norm, and this guy came up and asked me for a couple of dollars so he could get a bus (a truly international blag, that). His pitch was that he saw me ten minutes before and DIDN’T try to get money off me, thus he was a good guy and I should give him a couple of dollars.

8:42	Comment From Tylersnotes I have had 2 glasses of cheap table wine and I’m typing on my phone. This is the target demographic that SOME DAVID APPLEMEN don’t consider important enough to keep funding

8:42	Patrick Dubuque: You’re beating me. I’ve only had one Mike’s Hard Lemonade because it’s the closest thing I have to malt liquor in the house.

8:42	Comment From Toasty #MillionsIntoBillions

8:43	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy You should make a poll about who owns Carson’s book

8:43	Carson Cistulli: There IS a way to make a poll, and I’m sure that only David Temple — of all the people here — could figure it out.

8:44	Craig Robinson: A BeerGraphs aside: Belikin Stout is quite nice.

8:44	Craig Robinson: Yes

8:45	David G Temple: Boom.

8:45	Patrick Dubuque: Have we seen a pitcher skypoint yet? It’s my new favorite thing.

8:45	Craig Robinson: Yes, there aren’t many other options here unless you stay at one of the super fancy Coppola resorts.

8:45	Carson Cistulli: A BeerGraphs aside: I’ve decided not to chase my dreams.

8:46	Craig Robinson: I’ve got a gently used Cistulli ebook if anyone wants to gimme a dollar for it…?

8:46	David G Temple: I was at a curling tournament this past weekend that had a nice selection of beer. Not usually a common trait amongst bonspiels.

8:47	Comment From ST3 There are currently two bits of reading material on my desk. Cistulli’s book, and a newspaper from the day that Stan Musial died. I keep them both around to remind me that everything is getting worse.

8:47	Comment From Guest Our tastes are profitable and popular, god damn it

8:47	Carson Cistulli: Apropos of I don’t know what, but nevertheless relevant.

8:47	Comment From Tylersnotes Gonna drink enough wine to make James shields’ pitches look like they have life

8:47	Craig Robinson: Francis Ford, aye. It’s ridiculously expensive for the area. But it looks wonderful if you’re willing to spunk 1000 bucks a night

8:48	Comment From Anonymous Poll is missing ‘Fuck That Guy’ option

8:48	Comment From Tylersnotes i have had carson’s Wikipedia page printed and bound. How should I vote?

8:48	Zach Reynolds: BUT IS IT TOO LONG

8:49	Zach Reynolds: Fuck that guy?

8:50	Craig Robinson: Good joke there, Carson. A joke about your wife’s reaction to that goes here

8:51	Comment From Jackowitz Carson I will go back to school if you teach a class at a community college in southeast michigan

8:51	Carson Cistulli: That school, like most schools, would NOT hire me.

8:51	John Paschal: Bumgarner is surprisingly elegant when blowing snot from his nostril.

8:51	Craig Robinson: JokesaboutcarsonsrelationshipwithhiswifeGraphs.

8:51	Comment From AC of DC Are you sure you’re not in a low-end Coppola resort? They are showing Nic Cage on T.V.

8:51	Craig Robinson: Fun fact: the owner of this hotel was genuinely a roadie for the Who back in the 70s. And now he’s in bed with the shits. How the tables have turned (or something)

8:52	Comment From Frank “At noon, I roam around in the liquor stores or rummage through girls’ top drawers” – Carson Cistulli (This is why you should (or should not) get his book)

8:53	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman Sandwich update: this is a good sandwich.

8:53	Patrick Dubuque: Eric Hosmer’s beard is Mephistopheles after a week home alone.

8:54	Comment From Anonymous #KeepSpunkGraphs

8:54	Craig Robinson: Why doesn’t MLB sell on deck circle rugs?

8:55	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy Carson’s wikipedia page has 62 references. 62!

8:55	Carson Cistulli: Note: many of the comments are amusing. You people are largely beautiful. Not uniformly, but largely.

8:56	Comment From Lenard http://www.kansascity.com/s… Please read the first sentence of this article and then take the erotica fanfic from there

8:56	Carson Cistulli: For reference: “The sight unnerved Rusty Kuntz as he entered the visitors’ clubhouse at Fenway Park on July 20…”

8:56	Comment From BarGraphs Why doesn’t NotGraphs sell on deck circle rugs and/or other merchandise?

8:56	Patrick Dubuque: I can sell copies of that painting I did for Carson once.

8:56	Craig Robinson: Also, and this is something I’ve been silently jockeying for for a half decade: baseball uni pyjamas. Actual pyjamas that look like baseball unis.

8:57	Comment From Anonymous That painting is getting uglier in an attic somewhere

8:57	Comment From Jackowitz Ubunutu has been installed. That matter settled, I can reassign my anxiety to other issues

8:57	Carson Cistulli: More on this situation as it unfolds.

8:58	Craig Robinson: “Closed captioning brought to you by Hungry Man: Try new pulled pork”

8:58	Baumann: My sister just called. She used up her data plan. Can you all please stop messaging her, please?

8:58	Comment From Toasty No, Baumann

8:58	Comment From Ari I live in SF but I’m rooting for KC becuase the the giants getting into the playoffs has cancelled my weekly pub quiz. I NEED PUB QUIZ.

8:58	Patrick Dubuque: Okay, here you go. Who was Nolan Ryan’s 5000th strikeout victim, and who caught the ball?

8:58	Comment From Greg I’m being totally serious right now: Is the demise of Notgraphs as worse as or much worse than the execution of Socrates?

8:58	Carson Cistulli: To be fair: Socrates wasn’t actually that upset even about his own execution.

8:59	Carson Cistulli: Super disappointed in you guys.

8:59	Comment From Sgt. Pepper Sure I’ll stop messaging her. What’s her number?

8:59	Baumann: 414.940.3106

8:59	Comment From Anonymous Socrates wasn’t upset about dying because he didn’t have wi-fi

9:00	John Paschal: True story: I played football with a dude named Socrates. Dumb as a rock.

9:00	Carson Cistulli: I’m taking my dog outside. Do whatever you want for however long you want to.

9:01	Patrick Dubuque: Good news, everyone: Now that Carson’s gone, NotGraphs is officially un-canceled.

9:02	Patrick Dubuque: This is a still from that Budweiser dog commercial. This guy has a fun night planned.

9:02	John Paschal: Honest question: Is anyone watching the televised baseball game?

9:03	Patrick Dubuque: Bad news: everyone: Now that I’m in charge, NotGraphs will be nothing but free verse poetry.

9:05	Comment From Anonymous I am a fan of the San Francisco Giants. I am enjoying this chat and the baseball game, although those two events appear to not be related as closely as I had hoped.

9:05	Comment From Anonymous Ivan Rodriguez

9:05	Comment From Clock yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

9:05	Zach Reynolds: Me too!

9:06	John Paschal: I like loud outs. The best outs are the ones that are turned to 11. I just made that up. I’m serious.

9:07	Patrick Dubuque: I should have put Mike Stanley in that quiz. He’s not the right answer, but I should have put him in there anyway.

9:07	David G Temple: Anyone know the last catcher to throw out Rickey on the base paths?

9:07	Comment From Keeper White railings. Panda flailing. Beat down printers keep us from praying. Cain stops bleeding. Returns home.

9:08	Comment From Toasty woah that’s like a real poll question wtf is this shit

9:08	Patrick Dubuque: Every once in a while you have to get out of the hot tub and hop in the pool.

9:08	Comment From Toasty Still better than Cistulli’s poetry amirite

9:08	Comment From Anonymous I assume it was a Molina. I’ll go with Steve. Steve Molina.

9:08	David G Temple: Close, it was Dan Molina.

9:09

Baumann:

9:09	Patrick Dubuque: If I were Crawford I would have left the ball there and walked back to my position.

9:09	David G Temple: That’s a Milwaukee area code

9:10	Patrick Dubuque: 13% of you got that question right, by the way. I’m actually disappointed in those of you who picked Rodriguez.

9:10	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy FYI ultra-pasteurization is basically just a higher temperature for a shorter time than regular pasteurization

9:10	Patrick Dubuque: Posting this now while Carson’s out, just so he never knows

9:10	Comment From Terrible Ted So demanding, Baumann

9:10	Comment From Tylersnotes Every postseason gets the Pete kozma it deserves

9:11	Comment From Toasty I refuse to participate in any catcher-based trivia that does not include at least one of Jason Kendall, Johnny Estrada, and/or Damian Miller

9:11	Zach Reynolds: Same, but only for Chad Moeller.

9:12	Comment From Anonymous Requesting update on the India/West Indies cricket barnburner

9:12	Carson Cistulli: I know. Robinson?

9:12	Carson Cistulli: Jason Kendall

9:12	Craig Robinson: I think India won.

9:13	Comment From Meano Eno Cistulli returns! Quick everyone hide the fun

9:13	Patrick Dubuque: NotGraphs is canceled again. Sorry, gang.

9:15	John Paschal: I want Joe Buck to narrate my workday: “Paschal is 0 for his last 14 with jokes in scoring position.”

9:15	Craig Robinson: Hotel owner food poisoning update: he just came out of his room, said he hadn’t shat for 30 minutes so went to the fridge and got a beer. We should all raise our glasses to this man.

9:16	Patrick Dubuque: Poll answer: Johnny Estrada. Also, I actually knew a trivia question about Johnny Estrada.

9:16	Comment From manly cup If Cistulli ever runs for office, he’s going to have to answer for all these jobs he terminated/outsourced to children in third-world countries.

9:16	Comment From manly cup Robinson keeps joining this event as a Producer. Another reason — among many — why he’s known as the

9:16	Patrick Dubuque: Please note: bunt jokes in this chat so far: zero (this is not a bunt joke)

9:17	Comment From Toasty Knew it couldn’t be Moeller. He hit for the cycle!

9:17	Zach Reynolds: But what ELSE did he do?? (hint: think necromancy)

9:17	Craig Robinson: My first gen iPad keeps crashing, thus I keep coming back in and threatening you to sing better with a loaded pistol.

9:17	David G Temple: Who’s doing all that grunting?

9:18	David G Temple: On the TV that is.

9:18	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy David, it’s the Marlins guy

9:18	Comment From Anonymous AHAHAHA “Of everyone here, who makes the most fucked scalloped potatoes.” I LOVE YOU, NOTGRAPHS COMMENTS

9:19	Comment From Tylersnotes This chat makes me feel like I’m witnessing the last days of the Roman Empire if the last days of the Roman Empire were more depraved and less well-governed

9:19	Patrick Dubuque: Can I be Claudius? The Derek Jacobi version.

9:19	Comment From Anonymous Cistulli is out! No one is moderating the comments! We can say whatever we want! Monday. Typewriter. Organ. String. Butthole. Tomato.

9:19	David G Temple: b00bz

9:19	Comment From Toasty 8======D~~~

9:19	Baumann: Craig, I just used an English cucumber. Thoughts?

9:20	Comment From Keeper I never tried

9:20	Carson Cistulli: A good policy. Trying is beneath you.

9:20	Comment From I am the law 58005

9:20	Patrick Dubuque: soobs?

9:20	Baumann: Cain Is Able

9:20	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman how am I supposed to write a limerick if I can’t hit the enter key?

9:20	David G Temple: We did this on purpose.

9:21	Comment From Ari What’s up with that dude with the giant moose antlers?

9:21	Carson Cistulli: That’s a moose. What you’re seeing is a moose.

9:22	Patrick Dubuque: We never did a NotGraphs Limerick Challenge. Think there’s still time?

9:22	Comment From Dave Camerons Puppy Carson, I gave information about ultra-pasteurization, but since you left you will now never know

9:22	Carson Cistulli: Your efforts, like many others, have been fruitless.

9:22	Comment From Anonymous Since y’all are going to be unemployed in about 8 days, do you get to go back to having a favorite baseball team?

9:22	Patrick Dubuque: Let’s ask Navin.

9:24	Comment From WangDanger I guess I don’t really understand why he doesn’t just keep a few extra beers in the bathroom for while he’s shitting.

9:24	Carson Cistulli: Once again, a comment that’s outlived its context — and is improved because of it.

9:24	Comment From manly cup If the last world series game is perpetually tied and goes into infinite innings, does that mean notgraphs will continue to exist?

9:24	David G Temple: We’re working on that.

9:25	Comment From Anonymous “We’re working on that.” The contingency, or you’re working on making the World Series last until the end of time?

9:25	David G Temple: Sure.

9:25	Baumann: I’m still searching for content to add to my event.

9:26	Baumann: Whatever, Baumann.

9:26

Baumann:

9:27	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman The commenters grew quite unruly; As NotGraphs grew senile and drooly; So they rose up all mad; And along with your dad; They all shouted “Fuck that Cistulli”

9:27	John Paschal: Isn’t that an ABBA song?

9:28	Carson Cistulli: A thousand people are currently involved in this chat, give or take an undisclosed number.

9:29	David G Temple: Everyone smoked PCP before this thing, right? You all got my email?

9:29	Comment From Me QWERTYUIOKJHGFSDFGHJNBCXCVBN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:30	Comment From Stanatee the Manatee It’s give 985, isn’t it, Carson?

9:30	Carson Cistulli: Stop tearing down my dreams, Dad.

9:30	Patrick Dubuque: We don’t talk enough about what percentage of baseball is staring

9:30	David G Temple: How many whole pigs could Mike Morse eat in one sitting?

9:31	Zach Reynolds: What kind of utensils is he using?

9:31	Comment From What That angel dust?

9:31	Carson Cistulli: Context: unknown: Relevance: considerable.

9:31	Comment From Tylersnotes Thought it said pvc. My house smells terrible now. More on this as it develops

9:32	Craig Robinson: I do hope Michael Morse plays Killer Bob’s son in the next season of Twin Peaks.

9:32	Comment From Cush More pleasing idiom: “bases chucked” or “bases juiced”?

9:32	Baumann: Bases juice-chucked?

9:33	Comment From Anonymous “bases empowered”

9:33	Comment From gump is this a smoked pig? is it a pcp smoked pig?

9:33	Craig Robinson: Well, that’s my nightmare sorted, Patrick.

9:34	Comment From What juice-based chuckles

9:34	Comment From Well-Beered NotEnglishman There once was a man from Belize; Who was very easy to please; He wanted some booze, NotGraphs, and nice views; And not to be infested with fleas

9:34	Carson Cistulli: Information: dogs aren’t able to receive a mani-pedi, just a pedi-pedi.

9:34	Comment From WangDanger I mainly just like it when the word “sacks” is involved.

9:36	Baumann: I’d like to take this opportunity to share my favorite Cistulli tweet, maybe some of you remember it. “Word: pantywaste.” I believe it read.

9:36	Patrick Dubuque: Fun fact about Josh Willingham: when he finishes a phone conversation, he never says goodbye, and just hangs up.

9:36	Baumann: Bases Ebola #zeitgeist

9:37	David G Temple: Bases #Benghazi

9:37	Baumann: Bases Obungled

9:37	Comment From Cush What player in this year’s World Series has watched the most animes?

9:37	David G Temple: Jake Peavy, for sure.

9:37	Comment From Keeper My wife just asked if there was a woman in this chat. “There has to be one token, right?.” HAHAHAHAHA!! Oh we’re token alright… PCP.

9:38	Craig Robinson: Have we ever had a situation where an MLB player shit himself whilst playing? Like proper mud flood in his trousers for all to see?

9:38	Comment From Cush George Brett is good for that twice a year, so…

9:39	Comment From Well-Beered Limerick Writer There once was a man from Milwaukee; Whose passion was beer and not hockey; Cistulli, his boss, Who never did floss, Does races as Dayn Perry’s jockey

9:39	Baumann: I’ll just assume this is about me.

9:39

Baumann:

9:40	Comment From Anonymous Either my building’s heat just kicked on or I’m having a stroke please advise

9:40	Carson Cistulli: Yes.

9:40	Comment From gump can we get an update on citulli’s butt smell?

9:40	David G Temple: It fucking stinks, you guys. It always will. Stop asking.

9:40	Comment From Tylersnotes My favorite cistulli tweet was something to the effect of “hey Obama, I just hacked my wife’s email and there were hundreds of messages from you. What the hell?”

9:40	Carson Cistulli: That’s an example of reportage. I do a lot of work with reportage.

9:41	David G Temple: Fun Fact: Danny Duffy spelled backward is Yordano Ventura.

9:41	John Paschal: This just in: Craig Robinson has joined the event as a producer.

9:41	Comment From Well-Beered Limerick Writer Get ready everyone. Here it is: CISTULLI’S FIRST TWEET EVER. “Attended Brewers spring training game today versus Cleveland Indians. BMI of average attendee? My guess is north of 30.”

9:42	Comment From Well-Beered Limerick Writer ROBERT J BAUMANN’S FIRST TWEET EVER: “something smells is it me”

9:42	Baumann: I maintain that is an excellent tweet, sir.

9:43	Patrick Dubuque: I think my first tweet was a reply to John Hodgman about hot dogs. I didn’t really get Twitter yet.

9:44	Craig Robinson: Didn’t Sabathia have to change his cleats a couple of seasons ago because they were a different colour to the other Yankees’ cleats? Cough, Giants.

9:44	Carson Cistulli: It’s okay to fall asleep during live chats, I hope.

9:44	Comment From Well-Beered Limerick Writer DUBUQUE IS NEARLY CORRECT. Candy, not hot dogs. “@hodgman has perhaps neglected the Finnish “salted licorice”, with its ample supply of ammonium chloride, used to stunt growth in children.”

9:45	Comment From Tylersnotes Gotta say guys, this episode of the mindy project is boring as fuck

9:45	Comment From Kyle Davis The Royals are doing their best NotGraphs impression right now.

9:45	Patrick Dubuque: They’re getting way more ad revenue, though.

9:46	John Paschal: Fact: Cal Ripken Jr. set the consecutive-games record by drinking Budweiser.

9:46	Comment From Tylersnotes The French consider ejaculating “Le petit mort” so yes we have all died hundreds of times during chats

9:46	David G Temple: Mmmm. Hot Marines.

9:47	Comment From Anonymous Statistically, someone must have died during a live chat. And further statistically, it stands to reason that NotGraphs viewership has a higher risk of death than other live chats.

9:47	Comment From Anonymous Obviously

9:48	John Paschal: “Natty Bo” would be a good name for a superhero. That is all.

9:48	Patrick Dubuque: Josh Willingham once ate two leaves on a bet he made with himself. It taught him a lesson in perseverance.

9:48	Comment From Terrible Ted THere was a young man from Wisconsin Who sext me a pic of his Johnson If he had any skill With working that drill He’d show a hook like Arroyo, Bronson

9:48	Baumann: I’ll just assume this is about me.

9:48	Comment From Anonymous Iambic Pentameter weeps this day.

9:49	David G Temple: My wife always though Raul Ibanez’s name was Rauly Banez.

9:49	Patrick Dubuque: HALFHEARTED SKYPOINT

9:49	John Paschal: I want Joe Buck to say, “Cain is Willingham and able.”

9:49	Craig Robinson: Raul Ibañez’s voice doesn’t match his face.

9:50	Comment From Stanatee the Manatee LOOK AT CRAIG WITH HIS FANCY ENYAY

9:50	Craig Robinson: I’ve got a Mexican girlfriend, I have to do these things.

9:50	Comment From What Is Carson Cistulli ebola; He spreads like the crayons of Crayola; If that didn’t make sense, just ask Hunter Pence; Or even Iran’s ayatollah

9:52	Comment From Kyle Davis There once was a man, name of Baumann. This limerick I’m writing is about him. I’m talking about Rob, you could call him Bob. Once again, this poem is about Robert Baumann.

9:52	Carson Cistulli: Miserable, but the best we have — just like Baumann himself.

9:53	David G Temple: If Ibanez is not active, that jersey seems a little over the top.

9:53	Baumann: “Carson Cistulli is replying…” is the most loathsome idiom we have in English.

9:53	Comment From BarGraphs If you could pick anyone who has ever lived to have written for NotGraphs, who would it be?

9:53	John Paschal: I’d have to go with that Paschal fella.

9:53	Carson Cistulli: Audio dump!

9:54	Comment From gump has anyone truly lived

9:55	David G Temple: Hey there, Kyle Davis!

9:55	Comment From Kyle Davis Dayn Perry

9:55	Baumann: Love you, Kyle!

9:55	Carson Cistulli: Cricket reference by Buck, too — only, like, two effing hours after Craig Robinson’s own up-to-the minute cricket reports.

9:57	Comment From What God

9:58	Comment From ST3 “These poll results are distressing/The end of NotGraphs is depressing/Where will we go/When we want to show/White males what our rhymes are expressing.”

9:58	David G Temple: SEE WE’RE NOT ALL WHITE. NAVIN IS A BROWN PERSON.

9:58	Craig Robinson: Navin: I would read volumes about that.

9:58	Carson Cistulli: And David Temple is a shade of white that ought to be regarded as a different race than just regular, old white.

9:59	Comment From Kyle Davis Navin: You better have a post or two saved in the drafts for publish before this whole thing is over.

9:59	Navin Vaswani: It’s tough to write with a broken Canadian heart.

9:59	Comment From gump wonderbread v. hearty italian