Ken Griffey Junior Executive

Ken Griffey Junior Executive is nothing like a junior executive. Rather, at age 20, he is the Chief Executive of World Baseball Talent. He reports directly to Willie Mays himself.

Ken Griffey Junior Executive hasn’t any time to write or type, but whatever he projects into this state-of-the-art car-phone receiver — right down to that infectious smile — is transcribed by adoring millions. Right now he is finalizing the acquisition of a majority stake in the newly public stock of fashion-sweater moguls Dolce & Cosbyana. Ken Griffey Junior Executive will see to it that his fashion-sweaters are made of 100% ebullience.

Ken Griffey Junior Executive is driving a lightly used 1988 BMW M5 not out of financial necessity (pffft!) or any sense of frugality, but rather because it is far classier than the new 1990 version of the same model. Also, his million-dollar ass cannot be put in jeopardy by the arduous task of breaking in that stiff Bimmer leather. Next month, Ken Griffey Junior Executive will buy a new lightly used 1988 BMW M5.

Ken Griffey Junior Executive was just checking in on his Ken Griffey Junior Smiles Outlet, where his used smiles are sold at wholesale prices with a portion of the profits benefitting children’s charities. Now, he is off to consult with the printer about some new business cards. Bone coloring with Silian Rail font? Eggshell with Romalian type? Ken Griffey Junior Executive is thinking of something more subtle: an off-white stock of tasteful weight, watermarked with a nautical compass…