Jose Canseco, Vampire

Recently, this unfortunate series appeared in my Twitter feed:

On the eve of April 24th, all of the above mentioned young pitchers threw some phenomenal innings. I had intended to point the attentions of my Twitter followers toward these budding stars’ performances; now, however, I fear that I might have actually suggested them as victims for a Count Canseco feeding frenzy. (I’m sure they are all delectable.)

It should be noted that being biten by vampire José Canseco does not result in death, vampirism, or even severe blood loss — any or all of which might be preferable to the actual consequences of said: dramatic increase in synthetic testosterone levels and, thus, unofficial blacklisting from Major League Baseball and/or general respectability — not to mention accompanying issues with sexual performance, anger management, etc.

It’s entirely possible that the baseball careers and personal lives of Milone, Bundy, and Taillon will be ruined in short order.

I blame myself.