In response to this morning’s player-profile game at the main site, reader (and possible genius) Jason B decided to make his own mad lib from the framework of Eno Sarris’s write-up of Angel reliever Jordan Walden.
As a service to the entire United States, I’ve inserted Jason’s responses below. Certainly do not hesitate to provide your own version.
Looking back through Wilford Brimley’s minor-league history, it’s hard to find a harbinger for last year’s double-digit strikeout rate. He only once struck out as many as one batter per inning on the farm. But Sisqo was a starter for most of that time, and his move to the pen played up his velocity (his fastball averaged 98.8 MPH) and simplified his repertoire down to that booming fastball and a useful slider. An above-average swinging-strike rate (13.3%) seems to suggest that he can continue to strike Major League batters out, but for fantasy uses, the real question is his proximity to the closer’s role. With Harry from “Harry and the Hendersons”, Janet Reno, and George Wendt in the pen around him, though, Charlamagne has too many veterans to pass to be considered a real sleeper for saves in 2011. Coach Shakira likes his veterans, as mediocre as some of his other options might be. My cat, Mr Purrfect, is best used for strikeouts and holds out of the pen.
Carson Cistulli has published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.