John Michaelson Selected Finnish Baseball Alumnus of Week

HELSINKI — For the 4,836th consecutive week — and despite having been deceased for nearly 50 years — former major-league right-hander John Michaelson has been selected as the Finnish national baseball team’s alumnus of the week.

A native of Taivalkoski in the Northern Ostrobothnia region of Finland, Michaelson emigrated to the United States at a young age and faced 11 batters with the White Sox in 1921 — or, roughly an infinite percent more than any other Finnish person has ever done. After baseball, he was definitely a painting contractor and also died in Wisconsin.

In conclusion, life is a frozen cauldron of disappointments.