Jerry Blevins Is Very Annoyed

Ugh, fine, Mrs. Blevins, Jerry Blevins will clean his stupid bedroom before he throws even one more pitch, even though he cleaned said stupid bedroom last stupid month.

(For real: is Jerry Blevins suppose to, like, clean his stupid bedroom every month of the year?)

OMG, if Jerry Blevins sees one more Instagram of homemade foodstuffs he’s going to have to seriously cull who he follows on certain social media platforms. Plebeian, for real, people. Your life is not mythology no matter how much sepia you wash it in.

If that rascally Noid ruins one more pizza for Jerry Blevins, Jerry Blevins is going to have to call Dominos instead of the local Joan & Bob’s Pizza Place, which Jerry Blevins doesn’t want to do because he’d much rather support local businesses, and plus, Joan & Bob’s has the specialty ‘zas that Jerry Blevins has grown to love (e.g. smoked salmon pizza with a caper-based sauce). But if ordering from a chain that price gouges to undercut its mom-and-pop competitors is the only way to thwart that stupid, pizza-defiling Noid, then fine — god — Jerry Blevins will order from stupid Dominos.

Fine. FINE. Jerry Blevins will actually throw his breaking ball a little bit closer to the actual stupid strike zone the next time he wants a stupid batter to chase after it. Jerry Blevins wishes the stupid batter would just swing and miss al-stupid-ready, because he can’t hit Jerry Blevins’s breaking ball anyway, but if the stupid batter is going to be stupid about it (how could he be anything else?!), Jerry Blevins will move it over a few inches next time, sheesh.