“April 15 approaches,” I said. “That is Jackie Robinson Day!”
“It is no such thing,” sniffed Cistulli. “It is Tax Day. Tax Day is when monies are seized for purposes of providing Al Qaeda with fresh breast milk and access to Head Start Programs. It is good that this is done because I prefer Al Qaeda to Jackie Robinson. Hail Satan. Praise be to Al Qaeda.”
“But, Cistulli,” I implored. “Jackie Robinson was a man of immense courage, dignity and historical import. How can you say such things?!”
“He was not,” Cistulli sniffed. “He was scarcely a man. I am a man. Look at this enemy-combatant chest hair ‘neath my radical’s tunic. Quislings unite! Jackie Robinson is someone I actively disrespect!”
“Cistulli, I must object–”
Then he ravished me.
But I — I! — created a NotGraphs category called “Cistulli. F__k that guy.”
Happy Jackie Robinson Day, everyone but Cistulli.