As you are no doubt aware, or if you weren’t, now you are, because you are reading this fine article, Delmon Young has been designated for assignment by the Philadelphia Phillies. In honor of this great loss, the Royal We debut a new feature here on NotGraphs, in which We insert Delmon Young’s name into a shitty representation of the Western Canon, thus diminishing those works even further into the flammable morass of Lake Erie that is reality-TV-based popular culture.
In today’s episode, Delmon Young is the object of affection for one Edward Cullen, from New Moon, the second book in the Twilight Saga:
“Before Delmon Young, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – point of light and reason. And then Delmon Young shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When Delmon Young was gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”
And before any of you start to complain, just know that I could have inserted Delmon Young’s name into 50 Shades of Grey, and still may, if you don’t behave yourselves and cease your backtalkin’.
Mike Bates co-founded The Platoon Advantage, and has written for many other baseball websites, including NotGraphs (rest in peace) and The Score. Currently, he writes for Baseball Prospectus and co-hosts the podcast This Week In Baseball History. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter @MikeBatesSBN.