Greatest Full Name in Baseball History?

You were no doubt roused from fat sleep this morning by an urgent thought: “Who, prithee, has the greatest full name in baseball history?”

Because I am a man who knows things but not people, I have an answer — quite possibly the correct one:

The first thing you’ll notice is that Mr. Partenheimer’s head shot is actually an Instagram of Craig Biggio, which is fine. The second thing you’ll notice is his full name: Stanwood Wendell Partenheimer. Rogue scientist? Deep-cover assassin? Outrigger canoeist with a sex addiction? Yes. He is these and all things.

And he is nicknamed “Party” not because of phonetic similarities to his surname; rather, it’s because Stanwood Wendell Partenheimer uses the word “party” as a verb, as do all base-jumping surgeons.