God Will Not Be Writing For NotGraphs

Rob Neyer launched FoxSports.com’s Just A Bit Outside Grantland-like site-within-a-site last week, announcing in his introductory post that actor Jeff Garlin would be writing for the site. He had to take that back a couple of days later (oh, Hollywood…).

Which reminded me to let you know… despite what I thought was a firm promise, God will not be writing for NotGraphs this week. See, I reached out to him (her?) at a particularly desperate moment a few weeks ago, asking for some help with post topics — inspiration, perhaps, or if he wanted to send someone down to just write the whole thing for me, my door is always open. And I was pretty sure I saw some lightning afterwards, or a shooting star, or some sign or another that there was order in the universe and we aren’t all just accidents of evolution. Anyway, the sign indicated to me that even though God was busy that week, he would be willing to take a couple of posts off my plate this week, especially since he’s been working on a new study regarding the ability he gives someone to grow facial hair and how it relates to the ability he gives them to throw a fastball, and he wanted to share some preliminary results. I didn’t get anything in writing, because, you know, I figured if there was anyone’s word I could trust, it would be God. But now it’s Monday, and despite the early interest, now I’m not getting an answer to any of my e-mails, voice mails, or prayers (hey, that also sounds just like my current experience trying to find a part-time babysitter for my 9-month-old son… but that’s a piece for a different website!), so I think I just have to suck it up and admit to myself that it’s not going to happen. God will not be writing for NotGraphs.

In fact, it seems like he may be deciding to smite down the entire site. Hopeless Joe is getting very concerned.