GIF: Ode to Terrible Cubs Fans

Ode to Terrible Cubs Fans

You will give me a look
when I say I am a Cubs fan
not a fan of Cubs fans
give me a look
think me spiraling away
in a high-horse spreadsheet
=sum(Jacques Jones, Milton Bradley, Cap Anson)
=stdev(this Google search:Steve Bartman)
The answer is not undefined
but curiously enough
spread out the collective goodwill
to the bleacher bums —
the Cubs fan heroes —
and get
#DIV/0.

Maybe the problem isn’t the Friendly Confines
but the duo Old Style and man combined.
If I don’t like the brick behind the ivy,
if I don’t toast the party,
if I don’t mind the wave,
I might be the Terrible Cubs Fan,
but I will enjoy it my own way
and when I catch a homer,
be quick to give it away.

We hoped you liked reading GIF: Ode to Terrible Cubs Fans by Bradley Woodrum!

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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

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Lichtenstein
Guest
Lichtenstein

Come on, this is the worst you can find. What about that couple in Texas who took a foul ball from a little kid and then took pictures of themselves with the ball while the kid was crying right next to them.

Daniel
Guest
Daniel

Oh dear god, you’re right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWz8pFXKOXE

Daniel
Guest
Daniel

that was one of the biggest examples of Yankee broadcasting FAILS. no, they did not take the ball from a little kid. It landed near them, they picked it up, and they took a picture. They were getting married. They didn’t even see the little boy. That’s the trouble with the media…certain things get told all over like this but the actual story never gets cleared up.

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant

Oh, f%#k off with your inane ‘truth in reportage’ nonsense. If I wanted truth from broadcast media I’d watch Charlie Rose. I want an emotive, fact-ish narrative spun for me that warm the heart and makes clear a villain for us to scorn and beat to death with pipe and 2×4’s…

Daniel
Guest
Daniel

Not buying it, Other Daniel. Who care if they were getting married? They bought wedding rings, right?

The kid is right there, he’s crying. They heard him. They saw him. Give him the ball.

It’s a ball. He’s a kid. They’re assholes.

Deadhead: “When is it ok to keep a ball? If there are no kids within how many seats from you?”

Yeah, exactly. It’s a ball. You’re a grown-up. What are you going to do with it? If you catch a ball, have your moment of glory and then look around to see if any kids are nearby that might, you know, play with it and stuff. Don’t take pictures of yourself with some crying child in the background. No one is going to care about your “We caught a ball!” story anyway.

Realist.
Guest
Realist.

F that noise. Throw the ball back. Right in front of the kid.

Then throw the kid.

Mr. Observant
Guest
Mr. Observant

Yeah, what this non-Other person wrote! And anyway, since when do we have to put up with the witless, un-artful commentary of the ‘Others’ on the American Internet? Go back to godless Russia or Cuba with this sort of anti-child, un-American filth. Give the kid the ball, seduce and deflower the would-be bride and ruthlessly horse-whip the idiot would-be groom. That’s the American answer a fan of a real team would bring to the table. Bless you, Daniel – you are a solid citizen and a worthy comment-writer.