Dodgers Miss Another Opportunity

Other than signing Mattingly as their headcoach, doesn’t it seem like the Boys of Chavez Ravine have really opted for the hard way at every turn? I mean, it’s one thing to say “Damn the man I’m sticking to my guns,” but the squad, or should I say front office, really missed the boat Wednesday night.

Let me explain.

Wednesday night was an epic — no, make that an ever-so-mediocre — match up of Big Z Zambrano of the Chicago Cubs versus Ted Lilly of the Brooklyn Dodgers. Whaaaa? Yes, the BROOKLYN Dodgers. This was a mere novelty for everyone in attendance (I’d guesstimate all 200 of them) except for Vin Scully and Tommy Lasorda, who probably woke up at one point in the game quite confused thinking it was 1954 and they were back in Brooklyn. But to be fair, how much does Echo Park (home of the Dodgers) really differ from Brooklyn these days?

The team wore their powder blues and the music was a charming selection of era-appropriate selections, such as Eliminate the Negative (which also served as a funny double entendre for the team’s current affairs). But what it lacked and I hope they greatly consider is some old-timey announcing chock full of archaic expressions. How about …

“That Kemp, he may not be a flapper but he sure is swinging out there.”

“Zambrano is a pitching a gem, he’s the bee’s knees today on the mound.”

“This break to the bullpen is brought to you by State Farm because like a ‘Good Neighbor’ policy, protect yourself from — and by using — unilateral aggression”

…okay that’s a reach. But you get the point.  If you’re going to do an old-timey game, use old-timey expressions.