Do You Know Who I Am?

Strong mug shot but probably still drunk.

Let’s get a disclaimer out of the way first. In no way are we making fun of alcoholism or driving under the influence, those are serious problems. Miguel Cabrera seems like he might need a little help overcoming a common yet grave addiction.

Still… the circumstances of his of his DUI arrest call to mind some of the worst behavior of famous people in our culture. The feeling of entitlement that pervades that simple phrase – “Do you know who I am?” – is one that deserves to be mocked, and heartily. I mean, really? Really, Mr. Baseball Player Swigging From An Open Bottle Behind the Wheel, Really? Do I care who you are right now?

So, in Mr. Cabrera’s honor, a mixed list of classic “Do You Know Who I Ams?” for your pleasure.

Filed under, Recent
Just this week, NFL Player Legedu Naanee walked through the middle of a homicide crime scene, then cursed officers for questioning his decision, got pepper sprayed and arrested and then screamed the money phrase while being led away. No, dude, you wear a helmet. No-one knows who you are without your jersey on.

Filed under, Scholastic
This urban legend has it that a student taking an exam runs late and continues to to scribble despite the yelling proctor, then calmly walks to the front of the class. He asks the proctor if he knows who he is, and after the proctor says no, throws all the test booklets into the air (mixed in with his own) and runs out of the class. I imagine him laughing hysterically – and getting away with it.

Filed under, Civilian
A suburban mom in a minivan jumped a curb, plowed through a front yard, hit a stop sign, slurred her words, smelled of alcohol and was to be led away by a couple of officers… but first she had to resist violently and utter the famous words. Well, who was she? The deputy coroner.

Filed under, Baseball, Classic
In perhaps the most ridiculous version of this trope, Padres prospect Matt Bush, “fresh” off of a .204/.310/.276 season at high-A Lake Elsinore in 2007, drunkenly attacked some high school lacrosse players in 2009. He, and I quote the story here, “picked up and threw a freshman lacrosse player,” screaming the question of the moment before answering it: “I’m Matt (expletive) Bush,” and “(expletive) East County.” Asked, and answered.

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With a phone full of pictures of pitchers' fingers, strange beers, and his two toddler sons, Eno Sarris can be found at the ballpark or a brewery most days. Read him here, writing about the A's or Giants at The Athletic, or about beer at October. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris if you can handle the sandwiches and inanity.

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Don’t forget Michael Irving getting busted in a hotel room with enough drugs and hookers to make Charlie Sheen blush. He uttered the money phrase and the arresting officer’s responce? “Ya, I know who you are. You’re under arrest.”

It was later revealed that the officer was in fact a Giants fan.