Disembodied Spirit of Andy Warhol Optimistic About Pirates

The ghost of Andy Warhol (pictured here) bears almost complete resemblance to the actual Andy Warhol.

THE BEYOND — Noted late artist and Pittsburgh native Andy Warhol was known during his life for problematizing the relationship between fine art and popular culture. A recent encounter by the present author with the late icon’s shadowy specter, however, suggests that the latter’s tastes have changed somewhat in the 25 years since his death.

“Really, if you want to know, the majority of my time is dedicated to following the Pittsburgh Pirates,” the incorporeal form of the former silver-haired evangelist of Pop Art told NotGraphs from his home in the Beyond. “I read all the blogs, track the advanced stats. It consumes quite a lot of my time now.”

At first glance, it’s a dramatic shift for Warhol, whose Factory studio was an epicenter in the 1960s for the exchange both of avant-garde ideas and also bodily fluids.

“I mean, sure, arranging ornate and ceaseless pleasure orgies was very appealing to me for a long time. After a while, though, the logistics of it became a burden. It’s easier just to sit down and watch a game — especially now that I’m pacing myself to persevere for all eternity.”

“Plus, I figured I’ve taken all the other opiates, I might as well try the one that appeals so much to the masses.”

Asked about the 2014 iteration of the Pirates and their probable fortune in Wednesday’s wild-card game, Warhol exhibited guarded optimism. “I’m not saying that Pedro [Alvarez]’s difficulties this season ought to be celebrated, but it’s been a real pleasure to watch Josh [Harrison] develop into such a fine player.”