One of the many websites I treasure on the Internet is Yahoo! Answers. It’s where you’re left with little to no doubt that there are people out there much, much dumber than you. And who doesn’t need a little self assurance every now and then?
Last week, as contract negotiations between the New York Yankees and Derek Jeter went from bad to worse, Yahoo! user snc413 became rightfully concerned. He asked:
if the red sox sign derek jeter, will the yankees have the curse of the captain? [sic]
Fellow Yahoo! community member Rick was quick and to the point in his response. His answer, voted the best by two souls, settled the matter:
Derek Jeter will never sign with Boston. ever. [sic]
It was user acedelux’s answer, though, that reminded me why I adore Yahoo! Answers:
I do not know about this “curse” on the Red Sox however, the Red Sox organization should not have to pay millions of dollars to someone with no brain. Jeter will want millions and millions of dollars and the Red Sox organization will say “Are you out of your mind!?” [sic]
Here’s what we learned:
Derek Jeter, apparently, has no brain. He’s made it awfully far in life, and with women, without one.
Derek Jeter wants millions and millions of dollars. As much as The Captain may be out of his mind, he’s a five-time Gold Glover, and don’t you dare forget it.
Now, picture this: Derek Jeter in a Boston Red Sox uniform, the captain’s “C” on his jersey, and The Curse of the Captain wreaking havoc in the Bronx. If I’m Theo Epstein, I’ve had my people call Derek Jeter’s people. We’ve had lunch. And I’ve tabled an offer. One year, $25 million. You know, for sh*ts and giggles. What’s a little gamesmanship amongst Evil Empires?
Image courtesy The Los Angeles Times, and a tip of the cap to Yahoo! Answers. Don’t ever change.
Navin Vaswani is a replacement-level writer. Follow him on Twitter.