Democracy: Finally Good For Something

Time and again, I have tried to educate you on the inadequacy of democracy, only to have you continue to prop up this chaotic and unpleasant system where the strong dominate the wills of the weak. It is, you understand, incredibly frustrating to see you again and again vote your consciences, rather than submit your consciences to the divinely inspired will of a benevolent despot. For, almost invariably, your consciences suck.

Now, however, I find myself in the awkward position of having to temper my rage at the tyranny that the majority wields through the franchise with a greater sense of justice. For now democracy has a chance to finally put right what once went wrong, and hope each time that its next leap will be the leap home.

Rarely does such an opportunity present itself, but with the MLB All Star Game Final Vote, finally we can honor a man whose worth has gone largely unrecognized over the years: the great and powerful Bobby Grich.

Spurred by enlightened-despot-in-his-own-right Mike Trout, Angels fans have been working tirelessly to bring recognition to Grich, who batted .266/.371/.424 with 224 home runs over 17 seasons, while winning four consecutive gold gloves in recognition of his fine work as a second baseman for the Orioles and Angels, with the #VoteGRich hash tag. Trout and his throng of devoted apostles want to elect Grich to his seventh all-star team, despite not having played baseball in 28 years. Such a move is, of course, almost unprecedented. After retiring in May of 1989, Mike Schmidt made the All Star team that year, and did not play. But that’s understandable, as Schmidt’s selection was an immediate nod to his long years of excellence. To recognize the contributions a player who has been out of the public consciousness for so long, rightful MVP Mike Trout demonstrates that wisdom is indeed his sixth tool.

So quickly, my friends. To MLB.com’s Final Vote page, which I have yet to visit and behold in all its majesty! Give MLB all of your personal information! Sign up for all their newsletters! Allow them to contact you at home AND at work! Anything to allow you to punch out more digital chads next to his beautiful, mustachioed face before tomorrow at 4:00, when our opinions stop mattering. Let’s all work together to get Bobby Grich to the All Star Game in 2014. Let’s all #VoteGRich!