Cub Mascots That Could Have Been
As my colleague Mr. Reynolds observed earlier today, the Chicago Cubs have just unveiled a new club mascot for the first time in over a hundredyear, which is a term for “century” that I believed to be real until I Googled it ten seconds ago. I’m sure I am not alone in finding the Cubs’ choice to be a controversial one. Was anyone consulted on this? Were any alternatives considered? Now that “Clark” (or, as Mr. Reynolds more aptly christened him, “Coked-Out Bear Child”) has been unilaterally instated as the face of the franchise, it’s clearly too late to offer our own suggestions. How sad it is, then, that I had so many good ideas — visions of Cubs for which costumes already existed: ideas now fated to shrivel like desiccated fruit, as do all dreams deferred. You are welcome to vote on the following, if you enjoy exercises in futility.
Lion Cub
bostoncostume.com
Toddler and Kids Polar Bear Cub
costumecraze.com
Best Jaguar Cub Mascot
dhgate.com
Maskottchen Eisbär “Ringo”
animatronicbear.com
Sexy Snow Cub
BigGalsLingerie.com
Sexy Cub Scout
kevintumbles.tumblr.com
Piper Cub
coolest-homemade-costumes.com
Lion Cub Dog
birthdayexpress.com
“This Is My Bear Cub Costume” Pin
zazzle.co.uk/gay+halloween+gifts
?
You are the hero Notgraphs needs, but not the one it deserves.