Clifton Phifer Lee

Happy Clifton Phifer Lee Day. I believe they’re still partying in Philadelphia.

First things first: You need to take a minute and two seconds out of your day to visit www.cliftonphiferlee.com. In the immediate aftermath of Cliff Lee deciding to take his talents back to South Street (or is it Broad Street? Philadelphians?), the mesmerizing website delivered the type of hard-hitting analysis I was looking for.

Cliff Lee. Cliff Lee. Clifton Phifer Lee! The man who left years and guaranteed money on the table. The man who turned down the New York Yankees. The man who shocked the world. The man who, most inexplicably of all, proved Jon Heyman was right all along.

Once the news became official, I put the post I was writing in this space to bed, and sat back. I knew what I needed to do: Gauge people’s knee jerk reactions on Twitter, of course.

Jordan Zumwalt, @zoomer69, wrote:

Cliff Lee, Lebron, Satan?

I don’t get it.

Marc Johnson, @Hellsfire, tweeted:

Who’s this Cliff Lee guy? I’ve heard people talk about him but he didn’t show up in the World Series.

Mr. Johnson’s from the Bay Area. I’d have tweeted the same, along with: “WORLD CHAMPIONS, BABY!!!1”

Andrew Baggarly, @extrabaggs, and San Francisco Giants beat writer for the San Jose Mercury News chimed in:

Cliff Lee to the Phillies? Wow. Now they have a whole rotation full of guys the Giants beat on their way to the World Series.

Zinger! I still don’t know how the Giants did it. Seriously. With that lineup? How?

Danielle, @deekay2708, echoed the sentiments of many:

A;LSKDJFOWIRJEF;ALSDKJFA;LWEKJR;WLKETJA;SLDKGJFAWEITJA ;LDKFJA;LSDKFJWOIEJF CLIFF LEE ;ALSKDFJASO;GIJWER;GKLJ SAFD!!!!!!!

My initial reaction, while similar, was a Seinfeldian “Heyman!”

James Poling, @jamespoling, had harsh words for Mrs. Clifton Phifer Lee:

Hey NYC does this latest news mean we can officially stop pretending to be nice to Cliff Lee’s skanky, ill-tempered, pretensious [sic] wife?

Dude. Mrs. Lee was spit on. Spit on! If Yankees fans ever spat on me, oh, I’d show them skanky, ill-tempered, and pretentious. Actually, more of the ill-tempered and pretentious, and less of the skanky. But my point remains.

Nick, @bigick2001, really held back:

Cliff lee die die die.

Subtle. Nick lives in Buffalo. Now you know why he’s so upset.

Finally, W Chaff, @GoJacketsOrDie, got all theological:

Cliff Lee to the Phillies? There is no god.

Funny, because Lee turning his back on New York, and the Yankees having the most nightmarish of offseasons, is enough to make me, a fan of the Toronto Blue Jays, wonder if there is an old, white-haired dude hanging out up above. I want to believe!

Tuesday morning, when all the dust had settled, it was my man Drew Fairservice, @DrewGROF, whose excellent baseball prose can be found at Ghostrunner on First, who had the final 140 characters:

Funniest thing I’ve read re. Lee to the Phillies: who starts on Opening Day? #lollerz

Lollerz, indeed.

In the end, I did what we here at NotGraphs always do when the most sought-after free agent on the market finds a home: I wrote poetry. A haiku:

Cliff Lee, a man’s man
Texas and New York, no thanks
Let’s all go hunting

Leave your reaction to Lee’s signing, in 140 characters or less, of course, in the comments. And a haiku, if you dare.

Image courtesy this isn’t happiness.