Check Your Head, Not Adrian Beltre’s

It’s been a good week for Adrian Beltre, what with the reigning AL champs sending all that guaranteed cheddar his way.

There’s also a lot to like about Beltre. He’s an acrobat at the hot corner, that “home run swing from one knee” thing (pictured above, gloriously) is objectively awesome, and one must admire the flinty resolve of a man who rose again from the unspeakable horrors of a torn testicle (shudder).

Also adding to Beltre’s appeal is what appears to be a bizarre and preternatural loathing of having his head touched. Dig it. Dug it? So Beltre’s part Brooks Robinson, part Howard Hughes.

Conventional wisdom says Beltre chose not to exercise his player option with the Red Sox because of the allure of the market and the promise of millions. Video evidence, however, suggests it was because Victor Martinez wouldn’t leave his precious dome the hell alone.