Archive for Uncategorized

We have our first upset. Dave Winfield obviously wasn’t taking the whole thing very serious and Warren Brusstar glared his way to victory. Maybe Winfield was ranked too highly, or maybe he was just bored, or maybe it was October in his world, but Brusstar’s constipated fire beat the sated mmplops look. Maybe that says something about our bathroom preferences.

Anyway. It’s time to move on. This week we have two classic Mets figures going head to head. Could we have another fire and ice pairing? Looks like it.

Read the rest of this entry »

I can do nothin’ for ya, son.

If you haven’t seen the Coen Brothers’ remade version of True Grit, do yourself a favor and watch it. It’s especially great if you like Westerns and/or Jeff Bridges, but I think it’s a movie most people should appreciate.

Which brings me to the above picture. If there’s one baseball player in all of the majors with True Grit, it’s Jason Giambi. Just look at that beard! Seriously, I can’t tell the difference between that and this:

Just look at those two pictures. Take it in. I, for one, will be referring to Giambi as “Rooster Giambi” for the rest of the season.

Paul Lukas of the ever-excellent Uni Watch has a new column over on ESPN about a new trend in MLB clubhouses. Specifically, as you can see from the picture, the column is about bat knob stickers styled in the same way as the team’s jersey numbers.

This is minutia even to people who deal in minutia, as Lukas says, but I still think it’s really, really cool. Way cooler than the old way of just writing the numbers on the bat in sharpie. Personally, I think I’d buy a sheet of these Brewers-styled ones if they were to ever be made available. Check out the article for more on what teams use these and how many more could in the near future.

Reporters who don’t confide in loved ones that Orlando Hudson is the most enjoyable ballplayer to work around, simply haven’t covered one of his handful of teams. The “Dog” addition to so many is merely a cultural norm based off of what, Snoop Dogg’s popularity? I don’t know? But for Orlando it very well could pertain to his constant barking. The man never shuts up, and I say that in a very appreciative way. In an SI player poll, when ballplayers were asked who talks the most, it was O-Dog by a landslide, something like 30 or 40%.. For a player poll that’s a huge response, considering the universe of answers that could be given.  Anyway never-quiet second baseman sat down with me and shared this, the fourth installment of the Inside The Baseball Studio series where I take actual questions from Inside The Actor Studio with James Lipton and ask real players… Hope you enjoy,..

What is your favorite word?

I got so many, let’s go with Young Buck.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fans of that excellent film Anchorman may recall an appearance by erstwhile Athletics, Padres, Cardinals, and Pirates catcher/first baseman Gene Tenace. You’re forgiven, of course, if you missed it, as it’s really snuck in there. From the opening scene as the news team introduces themselves to the audience:

CHAMP KIND: Champ here! I’m all about havin’ fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone’s kitchen, maybe go to Sea World, take my pants off. Anyway, I’ve become kinda famous for my signature catch phrase, “WHAMMY!” As in: Gene Tenace at the plate… and… WHAMMY! WHAMMY! [laughter]

Little known fact: Gene Tenace’s real first name is actually Fury. Don’t believe me? Sounds too ridiculous to be true, right? WRONG. Baseball-Reference is about to slap some sense into you.

Fury Gene Tenace. Got damn, I wish that were my name. And judging by his given name, Fiore Gino Tennaci, I wouldn’t be too surprised if he were some sort of distant relative to Carson Cistulli, no?

Let’s break down the perfect game-watching experience. A checklist!

Beverages, preferably of the adult variety.

A lack of pants, whether complete or partial, in order to keep the nether regions comfortable throughout.

So, I submit to you, perhaps the perfect-est seat for a baseball game:

Thanks to James Kannengeiser for pointing me to this Mocksession GIF.

Observe the following Stadium Club card of former Yankees and Padres outfielder Oscar Azocar:

Click to embiggen, of course.

Azocar is seen here having what appears to be an intimate moment with his baseball bat. And that’s just fine. I’m sure Azocar and his bat have been through some very emotional times together… the good, the bad, you name it. But, it’s important to remember that bats are not truly able to consent. And we’ve seen what can happen when these relationships go too far.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Gloria Allred:

Remember, loving your bat is OK. Loving your bat physically is not.

Oftentimes, I get distracted while I write things. This may not surprise some people. Recently one of my distractions has been Klout, a social networking service that basically tells you how awesome you are on the internet. It bases your internet clout (or “Klout,” as they call it) on mentions, retweets, and things like that from your Twitter (or Facebook) accounts. Mine is 57, whatever that means. They also tell you things you influence and give you a “type” of internet personality. For example, I’m a “specialist” who influences, “baseball,” “milwaukee brewers” and “boston red sox” (what?).

Luckily for us, Nyjer Morgan has a Twitter account. And therefore, he also has a Klout page. And it is fantastic.

Click to embiggen.

Without further ado, the seven awesome things about this page, as numbered:

1. Nyjer Morgan acknowledges hisalter ego, Tony Plush

2. Nyjer throws up the T

3.

4. Nyjer Morgan is an influencer on the topic of “hunting.” Huh?

5. Nyjer Morgan is an influence on the topic of “rome.” What the H?

6. When Nyjer Morgan speaks, people listen. Damn right. I wonder if Stephen Colbert knows T-Plush is also a pundit.

7. Mo Vaughn Rick Ross is on Nyjer Morgan’s “Klout board.”

The thrilling snake juice investigation continues with the dramatic Part 3! Click here for Part 1 or Part 2.

I woke to see the blonde woman extending an ice pack towards me.

“For your head.”

“Thanks,” I said, still taking the ice pack. “Where are we?”

I looked around to see we were no longer in the helicopter, but instead in some narrow room.

“Um, Tennessee, I think,” she said, peaking over my shoulder.

“Tennessee?” I said, closing my eyes as I pressed the ice gently on my throbbing head.

“Yeah, well, you can’t really reach Illinois without going over Tennessee,” she said with a shrug.

Baffled, I looked over my shoulder to see clouds and mountains slowly moving along.

“We’re in an airplane?”

“I prefer to call it my jet-propelled laboratory,” Dr. Supplies said, entering the cabin. “Billy, I sink you want to see zis.”

Read the rest of this entry »

To define a man, as we know, there are just ten questions that need to be asked. Count them on your fingers or your toes and by the end you will have pierced the souls of even the most hardened, gruff personalities. These ten questions are the Inside The Actor Studio with James Lipton questions, but instead of quizzing Hollywood’s biggest names I turn the focus on professional players. In my first two installments we had rocker extraordinaire and baseball gadfly Bronson Arroyo followed by Tigers’ rookie sensation and upstate NY’er Casper Wells.

Tonight I bring to you Casey Blake. A man who has supported the hipster-approved beard before Brooklyn realized beards cool. A man who — apparently — has so much clout with his teammates that he was able to get Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” played in the locker room after each win in 2010. (Remember when Dodgers used to win?). A man who, impressively took 5 minutes, 13 seconds to answer these 10 questions.

Think about that: averaging 31.3 seconds per answer yet not being verbose by any stretch of the imagination. One thing is clear: Blake is a carefully, concentrated thinker.

1. What is your favorite word?

What kind of question is that? (The actors’ Lipton asks) actually answers? They don’t give real answers, they don’t have enough time. Do you know how many words you use? I guess I could give a fake answer, but I don’t want to. Let me get back to that one.

2. What is our least favorite word?

Least favorite word…probably, like.

3. What turns you on?

Doesn’t have to be necessarily sexual, right? Okay, well, how about my family.

4. What turns you off?

Show boating.

5. What sound do you love?

Duck call. I’m a hunter, I hunt ducks.

6. What sound do you hate?

Boos.

7. What is your favorite curse word?

Probably the f-word.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

I’d like to maybe try PGA. My handicap is probably around 10.

9. What profession would you not like to do?

Tennis.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Well done.